When I don’t answer, he says, “I’m really not trying to intrude. I only want what’s best for you, and to see you succeed. You’ve been happy, and close to giddy, for a while. And to see you reverting back to that troubled teenager I hired all those years ago is worrisome.”
“Why does everyone keep saying they want what’s best for me?” I retort. It’s loud enough that a few customers walking around the corner, turn to see what’s going on.
Tony doesn’t miss the curious glances. “Let’s go to my office and talk.” When I open my mouth to protest, he puts his hands up in surrender. “You’re not going to be fired, Randall. Youneedto talk to someone. And if I can be that person, I’ll feel better.”
Even though he says he’s not going to fire me, if I don’t at least appease him, he’ll send me home. Causing me to lose precious hours that I desperately need. “Okay, let’s go talk.”
Following him through the store to his office, I do my best to keep my head down. My coworkers are peeking up from what they are doing to see what’s going, but I look in the opposite direction when I happen to make eye contact with them. Great. Now there will be whispers about me going around the store. Maybe I do need an attitude adjustment. Right now, though, I feel like I can’t function. The hole Amelia ripped in my heart is jagged, and hurts so fucking much I can hardly breathe.
Once we’re safely tucked away in the office, Tony closes and locks the door. Not only to keep prying ears from listening in, but so that we aren’t interrupted either. A small part of me hopes there is some sort of customer emergency that needs his approval so I don’t have to talk about my feelings. It doesn’t happen, though. He takes a seat behind his desk, and motions for me to sit in the chair opposite him.
“We’re away from everyone else, now.” He leans forward. “You’ve always been like a son to me, and I’ll help you with whatever you need.” At my nod, he continues, “Is this about that girl you’ve been so smitten with, or your father?”
Who the hell says smitten anymore? It’s like he’s stuck in some fifties after school special. If I don’t answer, he’ll wait me out. He’s always been really good at that. “Both,” I shrug.
“Well, why don’t you start at the beginning?” He grabs his bottle of water, and sets it in front of him. Patiently waiting for me to speak.
The office is getting hot, and I can feel my heartbeat racing. It reminds me of when I would get sent to the principal’s office in school. Though I’m not in any sort of trouble here. Well, not legally, anyway. My emotions are the threat and I’m not sure I can handle it.
“My dad and I got into it again the weekend before last, and Amelia witnessed it all.” My fingers tap an unsteady rhythm against my leg. “He said some things about her, and I might have started to believe them.”
“Like what,” he asks, brows furrowed.
“He said she would leave me just like my mom left us. I really like this girl. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I love her. As much as I tried to shrug his comments off, I began dwelling on them.” My right-hand clenches at the thought of how he treated us that day. How he treatedher, as if she didn’t exist and was inconsequential. “I pulled away. We would text all the time, and I stopped doing that as much. I would stay busy.”
Tony interrupts me, “Is that why you picked up the extra shifts last week?” I nod. “Okay, go on.”
This feels like I’m sitting in a therapist’s office. All we’re missing is the couch for me to lie on. I’m used to this kind of questioning. After my mom bailed, and I began acting out in class, my teacher suggested I speak with the school’s guidance counselor. In the end, I told her what she wanted to hear, not what I was actually feeling. I don’t want to do that with Tony. He’s one of the few good role models I have, and it would be a disservice to him, me, and Amelia. The only way to move on is to get it all out.
“When I showed up late, after my shift here, for the Fourth of July party, she confronted me about blowing her off. She laid out all of her feelings and hopes for us. But I didn’t say anything.” Burying my face in my hands, I groan. I’m a fucking idiot. “She said she was falling in love with me, and I repaid her by getting pissed off and daring her to break up with me.”
“And that’s the reason for your foul mood this week,” Tony claps. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“There’s nothing left to do,” I lean back in my chair until I’m staring at the ceiling. “She hasn’t reached out to me, and I’m pretty sure she’ll go back to her hometown now that I’ve royally screwed things up.”
“Or…,” he begins. “You can man up, admit you were a dumbass, and win your girl back.”
“It’s not as easy as you make it sound, old man.”
He chuckles, “I never said it would be easy. Anything worth fighting for takes work.” Clasping his hands on the desk, he leans forward. “First, you need to get your life in order.”
“What do you mean?” I’m playing dumb. I know exactly what he means. His words will help solidify it, though. They’ll give me the push I’ve been too scared to make. Even when it meant losing Amelia.
“You need to get out of that house.” He stares at me, waiting for me to argue. “I know he’s your dad, but he is anadultand perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He’s taking advantage of you. Preying off your guilt.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I huff and cross my arms over my chest. “I’ve wanted to leave so many times. He shut down and started drinking when Mom bailed on us. What do you think he’s going to do when I leave?”
“You can’t base what you’re going to do on what he might do. It’s not fair to you.”
“Yeah, I know. It just worries me,” I say in defeat.
“For now, you need to focus on you. This can’t be the job you want for the rest of your life. You should be out there living your life, not worrying about others’ lack of decision making skills.”
“Thanks, Tony.” I stand up. “I’m going to get back to work now. Looks like I have a lot of butt kissing and planning to do.”
“Good,” he nods. “I’m glad I finally got through to you. If you need help finding a place to stay, let me know.”
“Will do.” Not waiting for him to say anything else, I walk out of his office. He’s right, and I’ve chosen not to do anything about my life. Coasting through and hoping everything is going to magically get better isn’t doing me any favors. It’s time to make some hard decisions.