I expected the worry and guilt. I didn’t expect the fear that rises in a wave I can’t escape. I know what this sort of thing requires from one of my people, but humans are a different story altogether. I’ve almost forgotten how small Catalina is compared to the rest of us. Surely it’s so much easier to break her. To do something that meant she wouldn’t wake up afterward. “How dangerous is this?”
“No more dangerous than most other medical procedures.” Lenora shrugs. “Less dangerous than childbirth itself.”
People die in childbirth. Even with all the magic we have at our disposal. It’s something I’ve always taken as fact. Now I want to rail at the goddess herself for the risks involved. “Have you done this before? Because if not, I’ll go find someone more capable. Catalina deserves the best, and—”
I can’t lose her.
“Don’t insult me. I like the darker arts, but I’m a trained midwife, and this goes with the territory.” Lenora turns to where Ramanu has reappeared again, a bag in their hands. The brown satchel seems too small to contain whatever is necessary for this, but the witch takes it with a soft smile. “Thanks.”
“I threw in a few extra things you might need.”
“Good.” She rolls up her sleeves. “Let’s get started.”
In the end, it goes just as smoothly as Lenora promised. As best I can tell, Catalina sleeps through the entire thing. I’m glad for it. I sit next to her and clutch her limp hand and watch the witch like a shark. It’s everything I can do not to pepper her with questions about the process, but I don’t want to do anything to put Catalina at risk, and that includes distracting Lenora.
“She’ll be waking up soon.” Magic sizzles in the air, making my nose burn, and all evidence of the procedure vanishes. Lenora weaves a little. “Damn, teleportation magic never gets easier. I’m still woozy from coming in.”
“I could have done it for you.” Ramanu loops an arm around her waist and tucks her against their side. “Sit down. I’ll get the bottles ready.”
“Thanks.”
After they’re done, Lenora sets a pair of bottles on the nearest table, along with a small earthenware cup. “If there’s any lingering pain.” She points to the first one. “Half a cup, no more.” Next, the second bottle. “For sleep, as needed. Again, no more than half a cup. They’re safe to take at the same time, so don’t worry about overdoing it as long as you stick to the dosage. I’ll be back in a few days to check on her, but if there’s excessive bleeding or if she goes lethargic and unresponsive, contact me at once.”
It’s hard to speak past the fear that spikes in response to her words. I thought we’d be out of the danger zone, but apparently that’s not the case. “Is that likely?”
Her expression softens a little. “Not likely, but still something to watch for. Everything went smoothly.” She hesitates but finally shakes her head. “Look, people react to this sort of thing differently. Some cry. Some don’t. Sometimes there’s guilt or shame or whatever the fuck. Sometimes there’s just relief.” She must see my confusion, because she points a sharp black fingernail at me. “My point is that no matter how she reacts, it’s the right way for her, andyouronly job is to be there and be supportive.”
“I do support her.”
“Supportive doesnotmean fucking her brains out unless that’s something she wants to do and feels ready for. Even if she says she’s ready, you should wait a week, likely more.”
I jerk back. “After all this,that’swhat you think I’m prioritizing? Don’t insult me.”
“Good. Then we have nothing to worry about.” She glances at Catalina and then at Ramanu. “Should we stay until she wakes up?”
The demon’s watching me, their mouth pulled into a tight line that I can’t read. “No, I think Thane has it from here. Don’t you, Thane?”
I don’t know that I have anything at all, but I will do whatever it takes to ensure Catalina gets what she needs. Whatever that looks like. In fact... The first whisper of a plan takes root in my mind. A way to make this right, once and for all. It hurts to even consider losing Catalina, but I can’t pretend I don’t deserve hurt after how poorly I’ve mismanaged this entire situation. “I have it covered.”
“Good.” Ramanu’s tone is still unreadable. They offer their hand to Lenora. “Let’s go.”
She hesitates, but after one last look at Catalina, Lenora slips her hand into Ramanu’s, and they teleport out.
Then there’s nothing to distract me from Catalina herself. I stroke her knuckles with my thumb, over and over, measuring the cadence of her breath. Inhale. Exhale. The faintest movement of her chest. Is she too pale? There was some blood, but I have no frame of reference for if it was too much or the expected amount. Lenora hadn’t seemed concerned.
She is fine.
She is breathing.
She will be okay.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I’ve mishandled this from the beginning. I don’t know how the contract hasn’t been triggered at this point, because there’s no point in pretending you weren’t harmed by my actions and words.”
She keeps sleeping peacefully. My gaze travels to her stomach, and I don’t know what I expected to feel, but all that’s present is relief that her need was met. Children are not... There’s nothingwrongwith children, but I’ve never had a burning desire to have any of my own. I meant what I said—I would have supported Catalina in whatever choice she made—but I feel no loss.
I’m just happy she’s okay. I haven’t losther.
Yet.