Harper was determined not to repeat the cycle. She would do everything in her power to bond with her baby, to provide love and support no matter what.
Her baby.
The words were so foreign to her, like those of another language. The language of motherhood she hadn’t planned on learning. Not for her talking to friends about sleep times and feeding schedules and babies’ milestones. Not for her the endless hours of self-sacrifice and sleepless nights her mother had spoken of in one of her many down periods. Not for her the interruption of her much-loved career.
But those things were destined to be Harper’s to experience now. She had no choice in the matter. Would she be a good mother? How would she juggle her career with an infant? There was so much to think about, to organise, and yet here she was, minutes away from holding her baby for the first time. But how was she supposed to bond with a baby she’d had no idea was coming? She hadn’t stroked her abdomen for the last nine months, talking to her baby bump the way first-time mothers were encouraged to do. What if her lack of engagement with the baby so far caused irreparable damage? Panic swept through her in a flood as she suddenly realised she didn’t have a name picked out. It wasn’t something she had ever thought about—naming a child. She hadn’t even named a pet, much less a child. The responsibility terrified her. What if her baby grew up hating the name she’d given her? What if it didn’t suit the baby’s personality? She tried to think of some names but her brain was sluggish with tiredness and pain, her thoughts as jumbled as clothes in a dryer that had overrun its cycle.
Harper glanced up at Jack, her heart thumping. ‘We have to think of a name.’
‘What, now?’
‘We should have some names ready. One for a boy, one for a girl.’
‘You don’t know the sex?’
‘No, when the doctor in A and E gave me an ultrasound, while I was waiting for you, I chose not to find out. I want it to be a surprise.’
His look was ironic, his tone dry. ‘Haven’t there been enough surprises already?’
‘Good point.’
The midwife came in and introduced herself. ‘My name is Meg. I’ll be looking after you during the delivery. I need to examine you, if that’s okay?’
‘Do you want me to go out?’ Jack asked.
‘No,’ Harper said, surprising herself. The thought of being so exposed and vulnerable with him watching should have embarrassed her, but she wanted his support. Needed it. It was too late to call anyone else...besides, she wanted her baby to meet its father. For him to be one of the first people to welcome the baby into the world.
The midwife examined her while Jack held Harper’s hand. He mopped the sweat from her brow with a soft cloth the midwife had handed him. Harper prepared herself for another contraction, breathing into it, quietly amazed at the power of her body as it laboured to bring the baby further down the birth canal.
‘You’re just about fully dilated,’ the midwife said, pulling the cover back over Harper’s bent legs. ‘Not long now.’
‘Good, because this is getting pretty intense...’ Harper clenched her teeth and squeezed Jack’s hand.
‘I’m going to check on a patient next door,’ Meg said. ‘Press the buzzer if anything changes.’
‘Will do.’
‘You’re doing so well, Harper,’ Jack said, once the midwife had gone.
‘Names...’ Harper said between panting breaths. ‘We have to decide on a name...’
‘Maybe we should wait until we meet the baby.’
‘I want to have a name for my baby. I haven’t got anything else ready, the least I can do is choose a name.’ Tears formed in her eyes and she choked back a sob. What sort of mother was she going to be if she couldn’t even think of a name for her baby?
Jack stroked the damp hair back from her forehead. ‘Okay. Do you have any favourites?’
It was impossible to think clearly when her body was in the throes of another contraction. ‘Not really, do you?’
He frowned in thought. ‘I guess it would have to go with my name.’
Harper narrowed her gaze. ‘Why’s that?’
‘I want the baby to have my surname.’
‘Why?’
‘Because we’ll have to get married, that’s why.’