‘First baby?’ the orderly said with a cheery smile.
‘Yes...oh—’ Harper’s voice was cut off by a spasm of pain that flashed over her features.
Jack glanced at the nurse, who was collecting Harper’s purse and phone from the table next to the gurney. ‘Can’t you give her something for the pain?’
‘I don’t want anything,’ Harper said before the nurse could respond. ‘I want a natural birth.’
Jack wasn’t exactly up to date on what was de rigueur around pregnancy and motherhood these days but he had heard the term ‘natural birth’ bandied about and it sounded as if it could be extremely painful. ‘This is the twenty-first century, Harper,’ Jack said, following alongside her as the orderly wheeled the gurney towards the lift situated outside A and E. ‘There’s no need to suffer unnecessarily.’
‘I know, but I figure the only way I’ll accept this is really happening to me is if I feel everything now.’
‘You’re not making a lot of sense. You’ve had nine months to prepare yourself.’ Jack had had only minutes. It wasn’t enough. His head was reeling, he was light-headed, his pulse was racing, his heart thumping with a host of emotions—panic, dread, fear. He was about to become a father. It didn’t seem real. It didn’t seem possible. They had used protection. He had never had a yearning desire to have children. He enjoyed his freedom too much. Why hadn’t Harper told him before now? Why hadn’t she given him the heads-up months ago? Or had she been worried he would pressure her to have a termination? He would not have done any such thing, but he would have liked to know he was to become a father well before the day of its freaking birth.
Never had he felt so out of control.
So blindsided.
It was like finding himself as a fully signed up member of a club he had never expected to join—the Fatherhood Club. Once in, you couldn’t leave.
‘I haven’t had nine months to prepare,’ Harper flashed back. ‘I only just found out half an hour ago.’
‘Cryptic pregnancy,’ the orderly explained. ‘It’s not common but it happens. I’ve seen one before. Teenage girl had no idea she was pregnant until she got to A and E with severe abdominal pain. She thought it was appendicitis. You should have seen her mother’s face when she was told she was about to become a grandmother.’
A cryptic pregnancy. So Harper hadn’t known? How could shenothave known? Surely there had been a hint or two? Or had she been so determined to put everything to do with him out of her mind she hadn’t noticed the subtle changes in her body? But then, denial was a powerful mental tool. It could make normally rational and sensible people ignore things they didn’t want to face. Issues they didn’t want to deal with, truths they didn’t want to confront.
There was an issue Jack had to face and fast. He was going to be a father and he wanted his child to have his name. Marrying had not been part of his life plan but he was going to have to rethink that, otherwise his child would grow up without the protection and shelter of being a Livingstone. Marriage was a monumental step for any couple but for him and Harper, who had only met once before—the night they conceived their baby—it was off-the-charts madness to be thinking about tying the knot. But marrying Harper and raising their child together was the only option. He couldn’t see any other way forward. He had not had the happiest childhood himself due to his father’s long and painful decline in health but that didn’t mean Jack couldn’t give his child a wonderful childhood. But he couldn’t do it from a distance. He wanted to be a hands-on dad, involved from the get-go. Marrying Harper and providing a safe and secure home for their baby was the only thing he could control in this out-of-control situation.
The lift doors swished open. They all bundled inside and the doors closed again. Jack glanced at the sign reading Maternity Wing on the third floor and his guts turned to gravy. He glanced at Harper but she was in the middle of another savage contraction. Her face was screwed up, her panting breaths sounding as primal as those of a cavewoman. He took one of her hands and she gripped it until he thought his bones would snap like twigs. He figured now was probably not the best time to propose marriage.
‘Are you sure you don’t want some pain relief?’ he asked with a concerned frown.
‘If you can’t stomach seeing me in pain, don’t come to the birth,’ Harper said, through gritted teeth. ‘No one’s forcing you.’
‘You want me to be there?’
‘Only if youwantto be there.’ Her emphasis on the word ‘want’ didn’t escape his notice.
Jack scraped his free hand through his hair. ‘It’s not something I’ve ever thought about before.’ Like marriage, like commitment, like settling down with one person for the rest of his life. But he had a child to consider, a baby who was about to be born in the next few minutes. A baby he was not prepared for in any way.
The lift doors swished open on the maternity floor and his heart gave another almighty lurch.
‘Better hurry and make up your mind, then,’ Harper said on an expelled breath as strong as a wind gust. ‘I have a feeling this baby isn’t going to wait.’
CHAPTER TWO
HARPERWASWHEELEDinto the delivery suite and she mentally prepared herself for Jack abandoning her at the door. But to her surprise he didn’t. It was obvious he was way out of his depth suddenly finding himself smack bang in a maternity unit, but then, so was she. His features were white with shock, his stance stiff and guarded as if preparing himself for an event he had never expected to experience.
The birth of a child.
His child.
Herchild.
Their child.
Harper was still having trouble getting her head around the fact she was about to deliver a baby. A baby her body had harboured in secret for close to nine months. A baby she had done nothing to prepare for—no clothes, no toys, no accessories, no pastel-painted nursery, no pram or baby seat or changing table. She had done no emotional preparation, either. No sense of excitement or anticipation, so sense of joy or wonder. No connection with the baby at all. Surely that was bad for the baby? Would her baby sense her lack of preparation? Her lack of anticipation and joy? Her lack of emotion?
Harper’s decision to refuse pain relief was her way of finally coming to terms with the reality of what was happening. Otherwise, she was worried she wouldn’t properly bond with the baby. She might not know much about babies but she did know bonding was everything. Some of the kids she had grown up with in foster care had not experienced secure bonding with their parents. Although on one level she knew her mother had loved her, she still had reason to question her mother’s overall commitment to her. Her mother had always seemed a little overwhelmed by being a single parent—it hadn’t been what she had been expecting, having loved Harper’s father and dreamed of them living happily ever after together. Harper had put her mother’s distant parenting style down to the fact that her father had left her mother holding the baby, so to speak, not supporting her at all, either financially or emotionally. That lack of support had led to her mother ending her life, the burden of bringing up a child alone too much for her to handle.