“Hold on, let me finish—”
I cut off when movement sounds from behind me. I spring to my feet, but it’s too late. Something fires in my shoulder. At first, I think it’s a gunshot, but no blood comes out. The phone clatters to the ground, the screen breaking.
Staggering backward, I fall to my knees and stare up at the fucker who shot me. His bleached hair sticks out in all directions as he blows on his gun, the one with anesthesia in it. “I told you it can be powerful, Kyle.”
Fuck.
Peter approaches me until he’s staring down at me. “You’re not supposed to kill Rolan. That’s not what the boss wants yet.”
“I-Igor put you up to this?” I croak, barely able to keep my eyes open.
Peter yanks the rifle from my hand as easily as taking candy from a baby. “Boss said I’m to make sure to keep you on track, and that’s what I’ve been doing all along. I’m the one who pushed Rai after she overheard your plan.”
This fucker.
I’m going to slice his throat.
No, actually, I’m going to carve his heart out with a blunt knife so it hurts more.
“I went to the length of shutting her up, and what did you do? You’ve been going against everything we’ve worked for. You can’t do that. That’s betrayal to Boss, and I can’t allow it. It’s time you disappear once and for all. You’re not even Russian, so you shouldn’t have been a part of the brotherhood in the first place, you filthy Irish.”
He swings the rifle and hits me across the head. My body hits the ground with a thud.
The last image that comes to mind is Rai’s face and her soft smile.
At least my letter can serve as a goodbye.
28
Kyle
Miss Sokolov,
I know you hate it when I call you that, but I need the distance right now so I can write this.
The first time I met you, I thought you were just another spoilt mafia princess, but I found you to be a tough bean. You didn’t let anyone tell you what to do and you stood up for yourself. You didn’t stop there and made it your mission to help those weaker than you, even if it meant going against people with more influence than you.
Here’s the thing—I didn’t plan to get close or to learn about you as much as I have. My sole mission at the time was to use Nikolai’s intel to keep an eye on my uncle’s movements from afar.
At one point, that mission started to blur. At one point, the only reason I looked forward to new days wasn’t my grand revenge plan, but you.
The more time I spent with you, the harder you tore at my armor and engraved yourself deeper inside. The more I saw, the blurrier my purpose became, the more insignificant I felt. Watching you go after your goals without hesitation made me question my whole fucking existence, and I hated that feeling.
That was part of the reason I left. I woke up one morning and realized you didn’t need me anymore. That you never have. You’re too individualistic and independent, and having me by your side would’ve only hindered your master plan in the brotherhood.
I’m not saying leaving was the best decision I’ve made. It was probably the worst, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized just how much you’re an integral part of my life. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have returned hell-bent on making you mine.
It didn’t matter how much you fought, Princess. I’d already gone over a thousand scenarios where you would be forced to marry me. My plan considering Rolan would’ve worked even if I didn’t become Igor’s son, but I chose that option just so you’d be my wife.
Since then, I’ve been making one move after another with the sole purpose of forcing you to stay with me.
You became an obsession without whom I can’t breathe or think. It crossed my mind that my actions were wrong, but I couldn’t stop, because that would mean losing you again, and I couldn’t afford that.
Switching the pills was another method to tie you to me so you wouldn’t leave. I know that was wrong, but the thought of wrong or right didn’t cross my mind at the beginning.
I realized I reached the point of no return, and while hearing you say you’d get rid of our child hurt, I completely understand your decision. I’ve forced you enough, so I won’t do it anymore. If you want an abortion, I respect that.
My godfather used to tell me I can be a danger to those I love, and I just had an epiphany, finally figuring out what his words mean. I don’t care about people in general, but when I do care, I become obsessive, toxic, and over the top. I’m not apologetic about it, because, in my mind, I’m doing the right thing.