"Anything else?" Thea prompts. I try to think of anything else that might help me, but I still feel like I'm completely in the dark. Everything that I know about this situation is through my boss.
So I shake my head. And Thea takes in that information.
And then she asks the question that I've been dreading this entire time.
"Did he... see any of it?"
It feels like my blood runs cold in my veins for a moment. All of the air is knocked out of my lungs, and the thought of it literally makes me want to cry.
It wasn't ever supposed to be like this. I put up that website to earn money, especially when it was hard to make ends meet. It hasn't been so bad lately, but there are still times when I’m short of money. Or inspiration strikes. And it feels like a waste to keep it private when I know that I could be making money that I need off of it.
But it finally caught up with me. I try to remember Mister Fletcher's face in the office. I was mainly either looking at his eyes or trying to phase out of existence. From what I remember, he seemed worried and anxious.
"I'm not sure."
"Well... I don't think it should really be a problem," Thea finally says after a long pause. I wish I could trust her, but my thoughts are still racing, and I know that something will happen. There's no way I get away unscathed from this. "Is there something that you're worried about?"
I glance up at my best friend and see the knowing look in her eyes. She can tell that something else is on my mind.
"There is a slight problem," I finally say, sucking in a deep breath and trying to force my heartbeat to slow down. My skin is prickling and I know that my face is probably bright red at this point. "You have to promise not to say anything. And if you joke about this, I really will stop talking to you."
Thea's face goes completely blank, but I can see the questioning look in her eyes. This is probably the only secret I've kept from her since I’ve known her.
"There are..." I choke on the words even before they have the chance to form on my lips, and I clear my throat. My hands start to sweat, and I know that Thea can probably feel it, but she squeezes my hand again. "A few videos on there that... were inspired by Mister Fletcher."
I'm not looking at her face when I say the words, but I can feel her hands tense up and freeze and the soft gasp that she sucks in.
She knows that I'm really fucked now. Maybe there was a chance that this was just a hiccup at work. But if they found the website, I'm placing my bets that someone saw something that would be classified as against company policy.
There's no way that I get through all of this. There's too much stacked against me, and there's not a whole lot going for me. I'm a good employee and a hard worker, but that isn't anything compared to this.
My face feels like it's burning up as I wait for Thea to say something. The silence seems to eat away at every part of me, leaving me feeling desperate and trapped.
"Oh, wow. Okay. Do you mention him by name?" she finally breaks the silence, and I shake my head. I knew better than that, but the situation isn't much better because of it.
I never mentioned Mister Fletcher by name. But there were a few times I got pretty close. I can't remember every single caption that I've written, but there are more than a few where I was thinking about him.
And there's absolutely no way it would go unnoticed if he saw them. There are more than a few photoshoots with my work outfit on. And more than a few where I mention my boss.
I inwardly groan. I should have been more careful. But most of those photoshoots happened when I was a little tipsy, and I didn't think about the fact that it might be a bad idea. The next day after I sobered up, they ended up being some of my most popular pictures.
So I kept them up. I thought that there wouldn't be any consequences.
"No, not really," I sigh, running a hand through my hair and staring down at the table.
Thea has known about the website for ages. She actually helped me set it up when I was first starting in college, but it ended up being... more personal than I meant for it to be. For the last few years, it's been a solo project that I take on every once in a while. Plus, the money that comes from it is always nice.
But there's still something embarrassing about having to talk about it. A prickling feeling on my skin tells me that I should keep it secret, pretend like this isn't a big deal, and just keep it from Thea.
That's not how we operate.A voice pops in from the back of my mind. And I know that it's right.
"More like... just... hinting at him, sometimes. I never mention him or the company, but... if he's seen my website, he's going to know that I..." I try to get the words out of my mouth, but I stumble and dance around the topic. By the end of my stumbling mess of a sentence, I think Thea's picked up on it.
Her lips press together into a tight line, and I know things aren't looking good for me right now.
"Oh," she breathes, nodding slowly.
She's too calm right now. Thea was never the type to just sit and think. She's smart but fast on her feet and prefers to rush into things and figure them out as she goes along.