“Then we’ll get them where they belong,” Ben promised. “Let’s make a post.”
We spent the rest of the morning trying to track down anyone we could, the Darklings coming out en masse to help spread the word. Hopefully within a few days at least a few of these letters would find a home. The moment we got back to our place at the end of all this, we could mail them out.
* * *
Lincoln
Between the rainand the goodbye letters, the mood had been somber all day. Brea had curled up on the couch with a book in front of the fire, ignoring the world. Ryker had taken post next to her, working on sorting through evidence.
“Where’s Sully?” I asked Ethan as I passed him and Ben figuring out a plan for the next investigation night.
“On the porch,” Ben answered absently as he jotted down a few notes.
“In the rain?” I asked, but I didn’t stay for a reply, heading for the door and opening it. The man in question was sitting on the porch swing, swaying slowly as he stared off into the void. He didn’t even turn my way at the sound of the door so I made my way over and claimed a rocking chair nearby. “You alright?”
“How do you handle all the sad parts of this gig?” he asked quietly. “All those letters. The missing souls you can’t cross over.”
“It’s not always fun,” I agreed. “But we do what we can for them. There’s no way for us to send them on, but we’ve found ways to release them before.” I didn’t bother to mention that we’d only met one other person with that ability. I wouldn’t out someone’s secret.
“I just feel helpless,” he said. “It hits harder now.” He didn’t have to explain further. He’d mentioned before losing men in the army and that was something I knew well.
“You did everything you could for them. If you let it eat at you, it will consume you whole,” I said as gently as possible. “I spent my first two years of civilian life hating myself.”
“Really?” he asked. “You seem like such a calm and controlled type.”
“I am, but I’m a protector. I failed to protect them. And even if I knew I was lucky to make it out with my life it still haunts me if I let it. They were family,” I said as I closed my eyes to ward off the familiar grief wrapping its icy arms around me. “But they’d want me to live. And ever since I realized that, I have.”
“Fuck,” he cursed. “I wish I could get there.”
“It took years for me,” I reassured him. “And I know you’ll work through it. Just live life, they would have wanted you to.”
“He,” Sully said quietly. “Malik and I had been together for years. We kept it quiet so when we were stationed in the same unit it was a shock. I loved him. Yet, I couldn’t save him.”
“I’m sorry,” I said as I rested a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. My heart broke for him. Losing friends and family was fucking horrible, but losing a lover would be a whole other level of pain.
“He was amazing. That kind of guy who kept morale up by just being himself. Always had a joke or a smile, ya know?” He fell silent for a few minutes but I didn’t fill it with useless words. “We got pinned down under enemy fire. I still have no idea what fully happened. One minute I was yelling for the others to get down, the next I was sailing through the air and pain was all I knew.”
“Is that what the nightmares are about?” He nodded and swiped at a stray tear.
“Yeah. Mainly my fucked up mind trying to make sense of the brief flashes of memory I have, filling in holes with increasingly horrifying scenarios. And on top of that, I have this fucking ability but have yet to see him.”
“I’m sorry, man,” I said. “I can imagine how hard that has to be.”
“Yeah you can,” he said, giving me a small smile. “God I miss him. Every fucking day. But he’d kick my ass for moping around.”
I laughed at that. “See, I told you. We all promised each other if anything ever happened we’d live it up for every one of our fallen brothers. Since I was the only one left, I do a toast to them every year.”
“Maybe I should do something like that. Or write him a goodbye letter. That was the hardest fucking part, not getting to say what those soldiers did,” he said softly.
“It might help,” I agreed. “You need anything, you’ll tell me, right?”
“Thanks, man. I think I needed to get it off my chest,” he admitted. “Those letters just hit a bit too close to home.”
The door opening had both of us looking up to see Brea coming around the corner. She took one look at us before dropping onto Sully’s lap and wrapping him in a hug. If it were anyone else but him I’d have been pissed, but the way he wrapped her in a hug and clung tight meant she knew exactly what he needed. Ethan might be an empath, but Brea could read us all like a book, and that extended to anyone she cared about.
“You okay, Sully?” she asked quietly as she squeezed him back.
“I am now,” he promised. “You just coming out here for fresh air?”