Like I had.
It made me sick. Physically sick not to hear his voice. Sick knowing I’d have to go back to Garnett and pretend. Not just pretend with everyone else, but with him.
But I couldn’tnotgo. I needed to see my brother. My family. I needed to see him. Even if it was from a distance. Even if we looked at each other like we were strangers.
So I went home.
And I stayed away from him. No matter how much it hurt me. And it did. No matter how often my resolve faltered.
He respected that distance.
For a time.
Maybe I was testing things. No, IknewI was testing things.
I pushed it to the edge one day, not long before I was set to go back to school.
Colby and I were coming back from the gun range. He had not spoken of Elden nor had I.
Colby invited me back to the clubhouse for a beer. I went, even though I knew the chances of seeing him were high.
I’d already seen him.
He came into the café. Every day. For coffee. We didn’t speak. We only stared at each other, our fingers brushing when I handed him his coffee. I lived for those handful of seconds. Those seconds were what kept me up at night. What made me feel alive.
Other than that, he didn’t push it. We kept our distance at any kind of club gatherings.
It was torture.
But he didn’t push it.
Until I went too far.
Sitting at the bar of his club, drinking a beer and laughing with another man. It didn’t matter that the other man was like a brother to me, and Elden knew that. Not when it had been so long. Not when you were talking about a possessive, alpha male.
Colby saw him first, his eyes widening as he took a sip of his beer before slamming it on the bar.
“I’ve got to go and … do a thing. Break the law or whatever,” he looked toward the hall then back at me before walking out.
I swiveled my stool around, but Elden caught the edges of it by the time it made half a rotation.
My beer slipped from my hand at his closeness. He caught it with one hand, without looking, the other hand still on the edge of my stool. He placed the beer on the bar.
The only sound came from the speakers Colby and I had been playing music from.
No one else was around. Which was insane. There always seemed to be at least a few members out in the garage portion of the compound, working on cars. I knew some guys were out on a ‘run,’ whatever that meant, and the rest were at home with their families.
All the times I’d yearned for it to just be me and him, now I couldn’t handle it. Now my heart hurt.
I wanted to run… I thought about it, my body tensed and ready, wondering how far I’d get.
“Not lettin’ you go anywhere, Violet,” Elden murmured softly, as if he could read my mind. “You’re makin’ a smart choice for the right reasons, and I should respect that,” he continued, his voice low. “But I fuckin’ can’t.” He reached up to coil my hair around his finger.
I stopped breathing.
“If you tell me you’ve changed your mind, that this has run its course for you, I’ll never touch you again,” I watched his lips move as he spoke, avoiding his eyes. “I’ll walk away right now.”
I frowned, rage burning my throat. “Do you really think I’m that fickle?” I asked, trying to snap, but I only managed a rough whisper.