“I can read,” Eduardo said.
“And…and if you wanted to meet men like…like us, I know of an entire club of them. They would like you,” Noah went on.
Eduardo chuckled. “Do they know ladies as well? I do not want to choose betweenamigosandamigas.”
Noah laughed with him. “I’m sure either would love you. And I happen to know some individuals who are both.”
“Both a man and a woman?” Eduardo seemed intrigued by the idea. He hoisted himself up, gripping the bridge wall as if he would climb over it. “This may be something I need to see.”
“I would hate to think of you missing out on meeting the queens of The Slippery Slope,” Noah said, pulling himself up as well.
He and Eduardo climbed stiffly back to the other side of the wall, helping each other as they went.
Once they were on the other side, they sank to sit on the bridge, facing away from the water, their backs against the low wall.
“This friend of yours,” Eduardo said. “This man, Beckett. He loves you, no?”
Noah hung his head a bit. “He does. Very much. Perhaps too much.”
“He would be sad if you jump, I think,” Eduardo said with a definitive nod. “It would cause a great sadness in him.”
“He would move on,” Noah sighed.
Eduardo made an uncertain sound and said, “Perhaps not. I will always miss my Amelia. She is gone to me forever, but I will bear the wound in my heart, even if I move on and find someone new. Perhaps one of these people who are both women and men that you speak of.” He smiled as he glanced to Noah. Noah smiled with him, but Eduardo’s expression turned serious. “I will still miss her, though. She was my great love.” He placed his fist on his heart.
“Beckett is my great love,” Noah said quietly, placing his hand on his chest as well. “But I don’t wish to hurt him with my madness.”
“Then you must protect him from your madness,” Eduardo said.
Noah glanced over his shoulder at the river. “That was what I was trying to do.”
“No,amigo.” Eduardo shook his head. “Not that way. You must protect him by telling him when you feel bad, by being honest.”
“Squidgey,” Noah said. “We…we made up a word for it, for when I am feeling…when I am squidgey.”
“I like it,” Eduardo said, smiling in the dark. He tilted his head to the side and said, “We had a man on the trail with us, Guillermo. He turned mad whenever he drank. But he learned to tell us when he was thirsty for whiskey, and we kept the bottles away from him. We locked them away, and once, Benito tied Guillermo to his horse so he could not fight the rest of us for a drink. He raged and cursed us all, but then he fell asleep, and after a few days, it was not so bad for him.”
Noah blinked. “Are you saying I should, perhaps, let the fellows from The Slippery Slope tie me to a horse when I feel a manic fit coming on?”
Eduardo laughed. “If it works, it works. But you seem to have friends who could help.”
Noah had never considered it before. He stared straight forward, the cold breeze cutting through him. The people around him had always pushed him away and wanted nothing to do with his madness. But perhaps, just perhaps, that was not his madness so much as a matter of being around the wrong people.
“I could not foist that burden on them,” he said, shaking his head. “It would be too much.”
“So you would deny your lover the greatest love you have ever known, the greatest lovehehas ever known?” Eduardo asked, a bit incredulous. “Because you are unwilling to be tied to a horse?”
“I…I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Noah said.
A different sort of guilt welled up in him. Was he truly willing to end everything because he was too proud to ask for help? Even for Beckett’s sake? Marcus had been concerned about him at the club earlier. Ricky had as well. Even Ravenswood and Jasper Werther—who, really, wasn’t so bad after all—had expressed worry over him.
It was too much to think about, so he shook his head and glanced to Eduardo.
“Would you really end everything because the life you thought you would have ended and another has begun?” he asked. “I came to New York to chase after an ex-lover who did not want me anymore. I was devastated when that ended. And then I found Beckett. Who knows who you might meet tomorrow?”
Eduardo had been looking out over the city as well, but he turned to smile at Noah. “You are right,amigo. Who knows what this day will bring?”
Eduardo nodded to the east, where the very first hints of light were seeping up over the horizon.