I gasp and stagger back, groaning as pain flares through my skull. I see black and stars flare at the edges of the sight, curling in toward the center like melting steel. I drop to my knees, holding my face as tears leak out and roll down my cheeks. I don’t mean to cry right now but, my god, it hurts so fucking bad, and I’m so emotional and fucking pregnant and goddamn it, I hate that this is happening. I sob, cradling my face, and the shouting stops as everyone stares at me.
I look up through the tears and Baptist is standing there, a horrified look on his face. Rodrick is helping Cowan, making sure he’s okay, but Baptist is frozen and can’t seem to move.
“It’s okay,” I say through the tears. “It’s okay, I’m okay, don’t worry. You didn’t mean to.”
“I hurt you.” His voice is small. “Blair. I hurt you.”
“You didn’t mean to.” My first instinct is to make him feel better. I know it was an accident—he’d never hit me on purpose and it only happened because I got in the middle of their fight—but the horror in his eyes is soul-crushingly painful, especially after everything he’s been through already.
“Blair.” He takes a step toward me, reaching out.
“Go ahead, touch her,” Cowan calls with a sharp, ugly laugh. “Do to her what you did to your father. Ruin her. Destroy her. Drive her into oblivion. That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it, Baptist? That’s what you do with everyone around you.”
I groan in shock, and Baptist stands as if he’s been shot in the back. His body is stiff, tense all over, and he’s staring at me with pure agony in his eyes as his face drains of color. I reach out for him but I feel blood drip from my lip down onto the carpet, and that’s enough to push him over the edge.
He walks past me and leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.
“Goddamn it, Cowan,” Rodrick says with a long sigh. “Could you have done thataftergiving me the shot?”
“Can’t control timing sometimes, my friend,” Cowan says through his obviously broken nose as he looks at me. “What are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be chasing after him?”
I slowly get to my feet, head spinning. I have to lean against the bureau to steady myself as the room dips all around me, and I realize I must be hurt worse than I thought.
“Why, Cowan? What the hell are you doing with all this?”
Cowan pushes Rodrick aside and faces me, blood still dripping from his nose. It’s slowing, clotting, but he looks like a demon as he grins manically through the gore, his lips and chin ringed and splattered with it.
“Think about it, suit. You’re a smart girl. Why would I do all this, huh? I want to make a movie, don’t I?”
“None of it makes any sense.” I press my palm against my forehead. Shit, why can’t I think right now?
“But you don’t get it. I’ve been making a movie this whole time.” He comes toward me, his smirk getting bigger. “My film isn’t about Rodrick, though he has played his part beautifully.”
“Thank you, maestro.” Rodrick sits down on the bed and ties his arm off. “Now, if you two will excuse me—” He goes back to preparing his shot.
“What are you talking about? You haven’t filmed a single scene yet. You just sent us the fucking script.”
“I’ve been shooting since the moment Baptist approached me in the park. Ever since Ansell Drake’s wedding. I’ve been shooting since that first day you came to my house, since you found me in the attic, since you started seeing that OB.” He laughs and takes a step toward me. “You think I don’t fucking know? I arranged it all, though I’ll admit, Baptist fucking you without a condom and knocking you up was a particularly beautiful master stroke.”
“This is insane,” I croak, backing away, but I’m still dizzy and I nearly stumble. I lean against the wall as Cowan laughs and laughs. “How the hell? Why the fuck?”
“I know you’re pregnant and I’m very sure it’s his kid. Are you going to tell him, suit? Are you going to break it to him anytime soon, or do you think you can keep this game going forever? Come on, suit, what’s it gonna be?”
“Stop it,” I say, shaking my head. “Stop it!”
“That’s right, run like you always do. Both of you are pathetic. You two deserve each other. Hell, you two will rip each other to pieces. I don’t envy that poor, pathetic kid.”
I turn and grab the door, flinging it open. Cowan laughs and Rodrick groans and I stagger out into the hallway.
He knows I’m pregnant. He’s been filming this whole time, everything, from the very beginning.
This movie isn’t about addicts.
It’s about Baptist.
It’s about me.
I stumble away from the room and keep on running.