“Cowan’s a prick,” I say.
Jenny looks back at me and laughs. “Fuck, yeah, he is. All right, here there we go.” Her voice drops and she speaks softer. “Roddy and Kimmie are in that big green one right there. I saw them go in a half-hour ago and they’re either fucking or shooting up, probably high, so they’re still inside.” She holds out her hand. “That’s a done deal now.”
Baptist gives her the cash. She rolls it up tight, smells it, and shoves it down her pants before hurrying away in the opposite direction. I watch her go, wondering how someone ends up in a place like this, and feel a strange sense of fear wash over me. Not fear of these people, but fear of turning my back on my father and losing everything.
We approach the tent. Inside is dead silent. Baptist doesn’t bother to call out—he stoops down, unzips it, and shoves his head inside. I look in over his shoulder and spot two bodies lying next to each other, propped up on pillows, with the usual needle kit lying in between.
“Rodrick,” Baptist says. He doesn’t stir. The girl next to him is surprisingly attractive and clean, her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, her clothes in halfway decent shape compared to what we’ve seen so far. The tent is clean, if a little stuffed with clothes and gear and food.
Baptist shakes Rodrick’s foot. “Wake the fuck up.”
Rodrick stirs, groaning. He looks like shit, hasn’t showered in at least a day, and there’s a long line of drool down his face. He wipes it off, blinking at first Baptist then me. “Darlings,” he says and smiles with a sigh. “I knew you’d come for me.” His eyes flutter like he’s about to fall asleep again.
Baptist slaps him hard in the face. “Asshole. Stay awake.”
Rodrick laughs. “That’s the second time you’ve hit me. I’m starting to think we’re in love.”
I cover my mouth, trying not to smile, and Baptist sighs deeply, the sound of a man so far at the end of his rope that he’s about to fall off completely.
“Get up. We’re going back.”
“But I’m not finished yet.” He nudges the girl next to him. “Hey, Kimmie, wake up. We need to run lines still.”
Baptist grabs Rodrick by the ankle and drags him out of the tent. The actor only laughs and doesn’t even try to fight back. Meanwhile, the girl named Kimmie groans and rolls onto her side but doesn’t react, too lost in her drugs to notice or care what’s going on around her.
Once we’re in the sunlight, Baptist yanks Rodrick to his feet. The actor stands up straight and tries to look dignified, but it doesn’t have the intended effect. Instead, he looks sallow and sad, like he’s a husk of a man, and he’s listing slightly to the right and constantly correcting himself, like a ship bobbing in the current. “You can blame this outing on Cowan, you know.” Rodrick puts his hands on his hips. “The piece of trash forgot about me and I have certain needs that must be met.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised. I think it’s hard for Cowan to think of anyone but himself.” I look around at the close-knit tents and try to imagine spending more than an hour in this place. “Did you used to come here often?”
Rodrick shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Whenever I needed a place to sleep, I’d come looking in here.”
“Isn’t it dangerous?”
“There are good people out here too. Good people and bad people. It doesn’t take a lot to end up living in a tent beneath an overpass in this society, especially when you’re born with nothing and given nothing your whole life.” A wicked smile splits his face. “It doesn’t hurt that drugs are so much fun and so easy to get.”
“We don’t need a lecture on the failings of modern society,” Baptist says with a growl in the back of his throat. “Let’s get back. You need a shower.”
“You need someone to spray you down with bleach,” I say and Rodrick winks.
“Don’t worry, darling. If it was possible for me to catch an awful bug, I would’ve gotten something by now, but I remain untarnished.”
“Terrible logic.” Baptist gestures with his head. “Come on.”
He begins to retrace our path through the tent wilderness. Rodrick follows at a slow shuffle, giving me another loopy laugh, and I bring up the rear. This whole excursion’s been one long nightmare and I’m happy we’re finally getting the hell out, but I can’t help wondering what’s going to happen to all these people. Will they be here tomorrow, still in their tents? Gathering around their makeshift fires, talking in low voices, hoping to make it out too? Sharing needles, sharing food and water and whatever else they have, struggling to get by. Is this life when your father isn’t famous?
I touch my abdomen, thinking of the baby. Thinking of all the ways I can fail this child. The struggle, the pain. Could any of them end up here? I hate myself for wondering it, and I want to find a way to help these people, but there are so many tents and so many stories, and I don’t know where to begin. I’m only one girl, lost in my own world, struggling to survive my own nightmare.
“Lady.” A man’s voice grabs my attention. He slips out from between a large piece of plywood and a stack of concrete blocks and I recognize him from earlier. It’s the guy named Todd and his eyes burn into mine, the look on his face torn between terror and determination, and I slowly look down to see a long knife clutched in his trembling hands and pointing right at me.
I freeze. I don’t know what to do. It takes a second for what’s happening to click into place. Todd’s going to hurt me, or he’s going to demand something from me, and I don’t know what I have to give him. Money? Help? He’s five feet away and could cover the distance with one wild lunge. The guy doesn’t look steady or sane, and I bet I could overpower him, but the knife changes everything. One wrong move and he might plunge it into me, and even if it’s not a killing wound, I can only imagine all the awful infections hiding on that blade.
My heart stutters and nearly stops before hammering wildly up into my throat.
“What do you want?” My voice comes out steady and it surprises me. I want to scream and I’m too afraid to look over at Baptist, but inwardly I’m shouting for him to turn around and help.
“Money,” he says, glancing sideways. Rodrick and Baptist both stopped, and Baptist is inching closer. Relief hits me, but it’s too tightly mingled with fear. Can Baptist even help me right now? Todd raises his voice and says, “I just want money, all right? I don’t want nobody to get hurt.”
“You shouldn’t do that,” Rodrick says with a sigh and wags a finger. “Naughty boy.”