Prologue
Age Fourteen
Carson
"Just wait baby girl. Kippa Nu will change your life," she says, patting my hand and kissing my temple. Her skin is cold, but her eyes still shine with love for me. I nod my head and give her a gentle hug. My dad said we have to be careful with Mama these days, she bruises easily. I reach up to my tippy toes and give her a smooch on her cheek.
"I love you, Mama," I whisper, then step away with a shaky smile. I may be young and a tad naive, but I can tell my mama is leaving me soon. Obviously, I don’t want her to go. She’s my mama and my best friend, but I hate seeing her in so much pain. The hundreds of tests she has to go through and the poison they keep putting into her body to supposedly kill the disease. It’s supposed to make her better, so why isn’t it? All it’s doing is making her more sick.
“Don’t do that, baby,” she says, bringing my thoughts away from my inner rant. “Don’t give me that look. I’m still here. Let’s enjoy the time we have, okay? Tell me about the new song you wrote.”
I hunker down in the uncomfortable chair they have sitting beside her bed and pull out my phone. “It’s not very good yet. I’m hoping Memphis can give me some notes. I think I have the melody down though.” I start to hum the tune I came up with in the shower and watch as she closes her eyes and smiles. I add the first verse and a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
If Heaven only knew how much I need you. It wouldn't try to steal you away.
Selfish as I am. I’ll still hold your hand and listen to the words you say.
All of the days with still so much to do. I just don’t want this to be true.
I can feel myself getting choked up, my voice gets shaky, so I stop and sigh. “I still have to finish it, but I think it could be something,” I fib. I have a few more verses ready, but the mood I’ve been in lately isn’t very uplifting. She doesn’t need that right now.
“Baby girl, it’s beautiful. I wish you didn’t drop out of the church choir. You’ve always had a lovely voice.” I lean forward and take her hand, resting it on my cheek.
“Choir took up too much time, Mama. You know this. Besides, with Memphis helping coach the football team, Daddy needed some help around the farm.”
She nods and pats my other cheek. “I know, but promise me you’ll follow your dreams. No matter what. You were born to be a star, baby girl. After college you go out there and give the world your gift. You live every day to the fullest. You never truly know how precious time can be.” I go to reply, but Memphis opens the door to her room and pops his head inside, "See, Miss Daisy. That's what I keep telling her. But will she listen to me?” He shakes his head with a fake frown. I scoff.
“Oh hush you!” He laughs and gives me a look. I know that look. He’s checking to see if I’m okay. I give him a small nod and he sighs before shooting me a wink.He’s up to something.
“Come on, shortcake. Let's get some ice cream," he says with a big grin, offering me his hand. A giggle sounds from the bed, and I smile. It may be weak, but it's there. I glance her way to see a bright, tired smirk, and a knowing look in her eye. "Go honey. It's a gorgeous day. Go enjoy it for me."
“Are you sure? I came to see you. Memphis and I can get ice cream any time, Mama.” I don’t want to leave her. I don’t know how many more days we have left.
“Go, Cara, enjoy your life. Be young. Be wild. Be free. All I have ever wanted for you, was to be happy, healthy, and to follow your dreams.”
My eyes water and my throat tightens. I need to leave before I lose it. I know my tears upset her.
I nod and bend down to give her a kiss on her clammy forehead. “I love you Mama,” I whisper, then take Memphis’ hand letting him guide me out into the hall, before completely breaking down.
“Shhh shortcake. Come on, let's move to the waiting room. You don’t want her to hear your tears.” He walks me to a small room with some more uncomfortable chairs inside. You would think with how many people wait here, they would have comfortable seating.
I glance back at the cold, sterile hallway and release the sob I’ve been holding. He sits on the far chair and pulls me onto his lap, rocking me. A few minutes pass and my sobs are now hiccups. His hand touches my cheek and wipes the tears away, I look up into his eyes and give him a trembling smile.
"What am I going to do, Memphis?" I croak.
"I don't know, shortcake, but you’re the strongest and most caring person I know. I can’t tell you what the future will bring, but I can tell you one thing. You will always have me. No matter what." I wrap my arms around him tighter and nod. I can always depend on Memphis. Even though he’s older than me and starting his senior year of high school, he has never made me feel like a nuisance. “I love you,” I whisper, and he squeezes me harder before kissing the top of my head.
“I love you too, Carson Matthews. I always will.” I sigh and pull away, wiping my eyes and cheeks. He reaches over and hands me a tissue from a side table. I look into his warm caramel eyes, taking it, giving him a small smile. “You promised me ice cream,” I say, blowing my nose, cringing at the sound I just made. He laughs and wraps his arms around me tighter, tossing me over his shoulder, before standing and heading out the door into the sunshine. One of the nurses giggles and shakes her head as we pass. This place holds so much sorrow, and sadness. I almost feel guilty about the laughs escaping my lips and the big smile on my face. But I know if my mama could see me she would be happy.
Cancer is evil. It not only infects the person who has it, it infects all their loved ones as well.
I’m thankful to have a best friend that will always be around to pull me from the darkness and back into the light.
Part One
One
Four years later