I sat down at the table, across from him. “She’s going to grow in here and stretch me to twice my size. I won’t be able to move. Definitely won’t be able to defend myself.”
“You keep saying ‘she.’”
“It’s probably a girl.” I shrugged and pointed to his coffee mug. “You make extra?”
He got up from the table and grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards. “No, I didn’t. You can’t have caffeine.”
“What?” I frowned at him.
“It’s maybe bad for the baby. I just looked it up.”
I grabbed his phone and saw that he had in fact been looking up things I couldn’t eat and drink. “It says one cup is probably okay.”
“You willing to bet her health on a ‘probably?’”
“Are you willing to risk your health on a ‘probably?’” I shot back, ready to find a knife and stab him if I needed to. I was tired, like bone-dead tired, and I’d slept well.
Which meant the baby was growing.
And I was in for the long haul.
He sighed. “One cup, then.”
He poured the coffee and gave me a glass of water too. I grabbed the water despite my hedging. I guessed I’d be doing more research before sipping caffeine for the next nine months.
I stared at his phone. “This list is long, probably too long for me to remember.” I clicked on deli meat and read that I could harm the baby if there was listeria in it. “Oh, my God! I...Oh, my god.”
“It’ll be fine.”
I glared at him. “You don’t know that.” I clicked on wine—it could cause death or fetal alcohol syndrome. I shot up and combed my hands through my hair. “When’s the last time I had a drink?”
“Calm down.”
“Calm down?” I racked my brain for the last time I’d even taken a sip but couldn’t remember. It’d been a long time; I’d shied away from alcohol when I took over the bratva. I thought my aversion was just because of all the responsibility, but maybe it was my body too. “Oh, God. What are we even doing?”
“We’re doing this.” He stepped in my path and pointed to my belly, then motioned between us. “And this...together.” His tone was authoritative, firm. “Don’t worry. I’ll remember the list.”
“Rome, we’re in the fucking mob. We don’t have the time to remember all this! And even if you happen to remember it, you’re not always going to be with me. You can’t be by my side all the time.” I swerved around him and stalked up to the counter, looking for my phone. “We should call the doctor.”
“For what? We were just there.” He leaned his hip on the counter and waited for me to say the words.
I knew some people thought abortion was a dirty word. Sometimes, I wondered how my mother’s life would have turned out had she aborted me. So many lives were dismal, tragic. Was a life like that worth it? Could they have been spared?
We stared at one another. Rome’s gaze was harder than normal, more determined. I figured mine looked scared or unsure.
Either way, I couldn’t get the words out. They clogged my throat, then ran away so that I couldn’t say them.
I sighed. If I couldn’t say them, I wouldn’t do them. My body was closing in on the fact that I was about to embark on protecting my dream and my baby at the same time. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “I guess we can call him to set up the regular visits, then.”
The first smile of the morning that whipped across Rome’s face had my heart pounding loudly.
“Rome,” I said in warning. “We have to set boundaries.”
He nodded, the smile somehow spreading even wider as he walked toward me. “Sure, babe. Set your boundaries.”
I held out my hand, and he walked right into it and farther still until he was up against my chest.
“I’m serious too. Set all the boundaries you want.” He nestled into my neck like he could care less about the gravity of the situation. “I’m going to rip them all down anyway. The monster doesn’t like any boundary between him and you.”