chapter EIGHT
Lesson of the Day:
Endings are just new beginnings.
Mikka
Our plane ride began with turbulence. The flight attendant assured us all in first class it wouldn’t last.
The bumpy ride between Jay and I continued though.
Normally we shared an ear bud, played a card game, watched a movie together.
Instead, I found myself nudging him after an hour of silence between us. “You excited about the next few weeks?”
“You mean the random piss tests, the calls with my therapist, and the constant behavioral therapy techniques I’ll be practicing with my childhood town watching? Yeah, not really,” he grumbled.
I winced because this wasn’t a vacation for him, nor was it for me. We could lose everything. We were grasping at the last thread and hoping it didn’t slip through our fingers. I needed him to survive outpatient therapy, I needed to see him get this movie. I’d prided myself on his success for this long and seeing him fail would be my failure too.
He sighed. “Sorry, Meek. I’m digesting the past couple hours.”
I reached under the seat in front of me to pull out my leather bag. When things got tough, I knew how to smooth everything out. I pulled out my planner.
Jay groaned. “No. No. Nope.”
“Jay, it’s the perfect time to look over a plan for the next month.” I opened to the month.
“It’s never a good time to do that.”
“Why? We can map out what your month will look like and…”
“What if I just want to spend the month with no plans and just you instead?” he asked with his voice dipping lower.
I blinked at the question. “Are you trying to lighten the mood by insinuating that we’ll hook up all month? Please tell me I’m imagining the suggestive hint in your voice.”
He chuckled and cracked his knuckles. “Someone has to lighten the mood here.”
Was I imagining him glancing at my lips with his cerulean blue eyes?
I looked pointedly away and said, “The fact that you have not a bone in your body that cares about the rules of a relationship and hitting on someone when they are in one just shows why we would never, ever actually be able to do anything more than what already happened between us.”
He tilted his head in question. “So, you’ve considered doing more with me?”
“Oh, my God.” I tapped my scheduler to get us back on track. “Let’s be professional and responsible for once, huh?”
He sighed and looked out the plane window. “Little Pebble, I’m not mapping out the month. How would that be helpful, anyway?”
“Well…” I cleared my throat. “You’re going through a lot. It can be overwhelming to think of planning out your days. But I assure you, it actually helps.”
“Meek, not happening.”
I crossed off “Fly to Greenville” from my list for the day. Below that, I wrote to pick up baggage, drive to Lorraine’s Little Lodge, and more. The list provided me with a distraction from Jay and having him so close after all this time, breathing on my shoulder, watching me like I was a new toy.
I turned to face him after scribbling a little heart around the lesson that I’d written in for the day. “Okay. Fine,” I mumbled even though nothing felt fine with his lips this close to me. My cheeks heated at the memory of his taste: alcohol and candy, like loose inhibitions and cravings of the most delectable sort. He’d fit perfectly against me, kissing me like I meant something to him. “That’s fine. Everything will be fine.”
That mouth kicked up a notch. “You sure it’s fine? You’re looking at me like something might not be, like I might need to remedy it.”
I snapped my gaze to his because he’d caught my lingering stare. I was embarrassed that the heat on my cheeks was giving away my guilt. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jay.”