He tried to grab for me. I pushed him back and held my laptop out. “Keep listening, Jax.”
His eyebrows pulled down and his jaw ticked. He turned away from me to run his fingers through his dark hair and pulled at it before he stalked back.
He tried to grab my laptop to stop the message from replaying, but I pulled it out of his reach.
“Why did you save that?” he whispered, pain rasped through his question.
“Does it matter?” I whispered back.
This time, when he stepped up and wrapped his arm around my waist, I let him. I leaned into his chest and let his other hand take the laptop to close it.
“You should have deleted it,” he mumbled into my hair.
“Believe me, I wanted to. But somehow, I can’t bring myself to delete any part of you from my memory or life.”
“Makes two of us, Peaches.”
For what seemed like a moment, but could have been minutes or hours, we stood there, arms wrapped around each other. I absorbed him, taking in what I could. His smell. How I fit against his chest like it was the only home I’d ever felt safe in. His arms so secure like they’d protect me from anything and everything.
Except they couldn’t protect me from him.
I finally looked up to step back and distance myself.
His hands drifted to my hair. “I can’t keep doing this with you. Come with me to visit him tomorrow or wait until it’s over. It will be after my launch.”
I blinked once. Then I blinked again, trying to see if his face changed, to see if he’d retract the offer.
Like stone, nothing moved though. The frown stayed in place and no smile formed. His blue eyes held fear, and he didn’t try to mask it by looking away.
I stared at them like a moth going toward a blinding light in the middle of one of the darkest nights. “Why now?”
“I finally lined up all my ducks. They’re in a row and they’re ready to end this.”
“Why let me go before you end it? After all this time …” I shouldn’t have even asked. I should have just taken him up on the invite.
“Because we’re here. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. I saw you today with Ollie, I saw what I couldn’t control. This, I can. This thing between you and me is mine to control, and I know for damn sure I’m not letting go of that control because of shit with your father. He’s hung over our heads too long.”
My world tipped onto a different axis. It not only tipped, it rolled over and snowballed into a freaking new planet.
I stumbled back, trying to get my footing but this planet didn’t have solid ground. It was thin ice over freezing cold water. “You can’t be serious,” I whispered.
He stepped toward me, his footing so sure I wanted to push him, rock him into my unsteadiness, tilt his axis just a little.
“I’m ready to go whenever you are.”
It was a challenge just as much as it was him trying to overcome our demons. I saw the cold, calculated determination in his eyes that never wavered when he had set his mind to something.
Most of the time, he was setting his mind to pushing me and this wasn’t any different.
Every single time he pushed me though, I rose to the stupid occasion. On our battlefield, no one could back down or show an ounce of hesitation. One misstep out there and life would never be the same.
Could I do it this time? Could I walk into that prison and look straight into those eyes that mirrored mine? After all these years of silence from my father and my silence being reciprocated? Open my mouth to say words I had thought about millions of times but never thought I would get the chance to say?
“Tomorrow I have class.”
“Then, Friday.”
I sucked oxygen into my lungs. I heard it going in, I couldn’t feel it though.