I throw the tumbler across the room, and it bursts into a thousand tiny pieces against the wall.
My mind is jumbled with ideas and questions about why I can’t have her. Why it would be a horrible idea to throw my cares to the wind and take her like I want to.
Then I remember the look on her face when I pulled away.
The hurt.
The shame.
I might be a bastard, but I won’t ever be the cause for that look on Raven’s face again.
I’ll stay away because it’s what’s best for her.
It’s what’s best for the company I’ve worked so hard to build and the people it supports.
The people who count on me in the office and at the cancer center.
I must do the best for all of them.
22
Raven
I’m soangry with myself that I could scream. I knew to be careful around Charles, but I’d let my guard down yet again.
The moment I get home, I slam back three shots of tequila, needing to feel anything but the overwhelming shame.
I try to call Lily, but she’s not answering.
I dial Asher next, but he’s also ignoring my calls.
He’s pulled away, too.
Turning on the TV, I attempt to watch an episode ofFriends, but I can’t concentrate. My mind whirls with everything from memories of how his fingers felt inside me to the look on his face when he ended it.
Anger had pulsed from him.
As though I’d somehow been fully responsible forhisactions.
He was the one who gave in.
It was his mouth that crashed against mine.
His hands slid up my thighs.
His fingers damn near pushed me over the edge.
I switch off the television, throwing the remote onto a chair across from me before pouring two more shots and slamming them back.
The prior shots are already affecting me. My head is starting to swim, and my toes tingle. A sure sign that I’m one shot away from total insobriety.
Good. I need the escape from my own mind.
How dare he pin everything on me?
He may not have said the exact words, but his expression—his body language—practically screamed it.
He looked at me as though I had orchestrated the kiss, which seemed to be his MO. I might’ve leaned in, but I didn’t force him to make the next move.