His voice is so soft that my heart breaks straight down the middle. But I straighten my shoulders and face him.
“So let me get this right. You’re marrying awomanto get the money from your trust. Is marrying her one of the other stipulations on top of becoming a lawyer.”
He nods, his eyes on the floor.
“So, I’m guessing your parents don’t like that you’re gay.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand. It was so easy for you to come out, to be with me, but that was not my experience. They hated that my inclinations went in a different direction. It wasn’t acceptable to them, so they tried to beat it out of me. When that didn’t work, they starved me. When that didn't work, they found a way to manipulate me into being the obedient son they always wanted.”
I see red, and I have to clench my fists at my side, so I don’t punch a hole in the wall.
“So…you’d go the rest of your life repressed and married to someone you don’t love for money.”
He swallows and tips his head down, his chin hitting his chest.
“I suffered my entire life for it, Caleb. Bled for it. Starved for it. I don’t know how to give it up now.”
I grind my teeth together and grit out, “Just because you suffered for it doesn’t mean you should hold onto it.”
He lifts his gaze, and those watering eyes meet mine. He holds his arms out toward me, those long, jagged scars staring straight at me.
“Don’t I, though? I survived all those times for what?”
For me, I think, but don’t say it. Just swallow the words down. I know I won’t like the response from him.
My voice cracks. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Whit moves his eyes from mine and stares at the floor. “Because I was selfish. Because I wanted this with you. Even if it was just for a short time.”
I pull at my hair, and a tear streaks down my cheek. “But that wasn’t fair to me, Whit! I’m half in love with you now!”
His head whips up, “What?”
“You heard me, and you know it. Deep down. You always knew. I was open with you, and you used me. You knew you’d wreck me, and you did it anyway.”
“I know,” he whispers, more tears streaming down his face.
I want to rage, scream, punch holes in things, and at the same time pull him into my arms and cradle him to me. Fuck, this guy makes me crazy.
“Why are you telling me this now? Why not wait until May when you end up getting married?”
“Because she’s coming to visit.”
I clutch the back of my neck and squeeze my eyes shut. And then something occurs to me.
“Do you fuck her? Kiss her, huh?”
Oh god, the thought of that leaves me breathless, and I have to clutch onto my knees.
“Never,” he whispers. “I’ve never…We’re not in love. We don’t even know each other. Not really.”
“Then why do it? Don’t fucking do it, Whit! Choose me!”
Whit shakes his head. “I can’t. It’s already set in motion. There’s nothing to be done.”
“Of course there is. There's always a choice, but you can’t see it through all the shit in front of you. You can leave. Sayfuck youto your parents and leave.”
“I’m not strong enough.”