I swallow hard, fighting back the tears that rise up hot and fast, threatening to overcome me. “Viktor, I—”
“No. Let me speak.” His arms are hard around me, and I want to lean into them, to sink against his chest and let myself luxuriate in the aftermath, in the scent of his skin and mine on the sheets, in the warmth of our bodies intertwined.
I can’t. I swore I wouldn’t.
Viktor lets go of me, pushing himself up to a sitting position as he tugs the sheet over his legs, letting it pool around his hips. “I’ve wanted to tell you, Caterina, every second since we left the mountains how brave I thought you were. How strong, to protect the others the way you did, to fight for them. HowgratefulI am that you protected Anika and Yelena most of all, no matter what it cost.” His eyes meet mine, holding my gaze, and I feel myself flush under the weight of it.
I want to go to him, to let him hold me. But if I do, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pull away again.
“Caterina.” He reaches for my hand, and I let him. I don’t have the strength to stop him. I can barely control the emotions flooding me now. “Cat, I love you.”
I flinch, feeling the words strike me squarely in the chest, a knife to my heart. Pain blossoms through me, an ache that I’d thought I might not feel again, not since that last argument that we had. “I wish you hadn’t said that,” I whisper.
Viktor looks hurt. “Why not? It’s the truth.”
“I know.” I swallow hard, pulling my hand away from his. “And that’s why.” I look over at him, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “It makes it so much harder, knowing that, when we can’t have a real marriage. I’ve accepted that you can’t change, Viktor. But you need to accept that I can’t live with what you are, and what you do.”
Viktor is quiet for a long moment, his eyes dropping to the bed. When he looks up at me again, his face is calm and quiet.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Caterina,” he says gently. “Because for me, now, everythinghaschanged.”