“Does that mean—” I hesitate. “Sofia, I told you before we were married that I wouldn’t force you. I meant that then and I mean it now. Especially after last night, I don’t want you if you’re unwilling. But Idowant you in my bed. Now, tonight, tomorrow night. Every night after that.”
“For as long as we both shall live.” Sofia chews on her lower lip again, a sad expression sliding over her face. “I don’t know what to do, Luca. You say you’d be a fair husband. A loyal one, even, which is a hell of a lot more than I think any other woman in this organization can expect. Caterina doesn’t expect fidelity from Franco. But if you’re thinking I would, then you’re right. I know I’ve married into the mafia, but—I’m not a mafia wife.” She looks up at me, her chin tilting up defiantly. “I can’t go to bed with you knowing that you might have fucked some other woman a few hours before. Or sit at home, miserable because you’re out late and I don’t know what—or who—you’re doing. I’d rather not have you at all than only have a part of you.”
She pauses, letting out a slow breath. “I know that my parents’ marriage wasn’t ideal in a lot of ways. But I’ll never believe that my father was faithful to my mother. That he loved her. I’ve struggled so hard with trying to understand why he gave me to you. Why hetrustedyou enough because Iknowhe loved me. So tell me, Luca. Why shouldItrust you? Why should I believe that my father didn’t make a mistake?”
Her eyes are misting over slightly, and I feel my chest tighten at the expression on her face. “Sofia, I don’t know what to promise you. I promised you my protection, and I meant that.”
“And last night, I was attacked. Almost killed.” Sofia wraps her arms around herself again, and that look of misery that I know so well returns. “So much for protection.”
“I shouldn’t have left you here alone. That was a mistake.” I reach out to touch her face, but she pulls back, and I can see her walls going up. Shutting me out. Remembering why she’s fought so hard to keep away from me.
I don’t want that to happen. I feel as if I’m fighting for something I don’t understand, a future that I can’t see. All I know is that the thought of losing her makes me feel as if I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, too far above the bottom to see what will happen if I fall.
“I’m going to find out how this happened. I’ll talk to Viktor again.” I hesitate. “Sofia, I don’t know how to do this. I can promise that I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe. I can promise that I’ll never harm you, never lay a hand on you. I can promise you that I’ll take you to bed like I did last night every time you desire, for the rest of your life. I’ll even promise you fidelity if you want it.” I laugh shortly. “God knows I’ve been faithful anyway, despite my best efforts. But Sofia, I don’t know if I can promise you anything else.”
“Not love.” She looks at me shrewdly. “Not the kind of marriage I saw, growing up.”
“That love got your father killed. It almost got your mother murdered, too. It put you here, married to a man who can’t be what you want, who can’t love you, who—” I pause, shaking my head. “Sofia, I’m wrong for you in every way. You deserved better than this. But here we are.”
Sofia takes a deep breath. “Okay,” she says softly. “Let’s try this, for now. Just trying to exist together, as a couple. I’ll sleep in here with you. We’ll try to talk more and argue less. We’ll try to understand each other. And we’ll see how that goes.”
Some of the tension leaves me as I listen to her. I might not be able to make peace with the Bratva so easily, but it seems as if here, in this bedroom, I’ve made a tentative peace with my wife.
It’s not everything. But I think it might be enough.
For now.