“Right. I forgot you held me to a different standard.” I push the passenger’s seat forward and climb out of the car, heading toward the restaurant. I only make it a few steps before I turn and stalk back. “Let me ask you something, Gabe. Did you kiss Annie this morning? Did you fuck her while I was in the room across the hall?”
“What? No!”
“But you will, because you’re staying with her. You will, so how is it fair that I’m not allowed to date?”
“You want to date Mace? ’Cause you know that’s not his usual MO, right? He’s not the dating kind. He’ll fuck you and leave you heartbroken.”
“Well, I guess that’s not so different from every other man in my life, now, is it? If I’m gonna get fucked either way, I might as well have some fun, right? I hear he has a wicked Jacob’s ladder.”
“Jesus Christ, Lo.” Gabe’s face twists with pain, his brows pinch together, and those green eyes plead with me. And I know I’ve cut him to the core. “You’re breaking my fuckin’ heart.”
I love you. I love you. I love you. I hate you.
“And you already broke mine,” I whisper. “So I guess we’re even.”
I walk away, into the fast-food restaurant and order, and then I sit at the table with Tommy and Mace and pretend like I didn’t just lose my best friend and the love of my life all in one fell swoop.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Lo
Ihaven’t seen Gabe for days. I’ve kept a wide berth between the two of us and he hasn’t reached out either, so when I’m not at work, I’m commiserating with Clementine on the couch with a pint of cotton candy—because it truly does cure all ailments. We’re just settling in with junk food instead of dinner and a Netflix marathon, when the buzzer rings. I look at Clementine with puppy dog eyes, begging her to get it so I won’t have to get up. She rolls her eyes and jumps off the couch. And a beat later Gabe is standing in our living room, a pizza in hand, and an apology written all over his stunning face.God, how I both love and hate that face. I don’t know what to say, I have nothing to say, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not pleasantly surprised by the gesture.
“Hey,” he says, coming closer.
“Hey.” I tuck my legs under me and Clementine approaches Gabe, opens the pizza box, and takes a slice.
“Since you two have the emotional conversation range of warring toddlers, I’m going to take this slice and go,” Clementine says and grabs a tub of Fluffy Crunch before she wanders off to her room.
Gabe thrusts the pizza box toward me. “It’s your favorite.”
“Spicy jalapeño pepperoni?”
“Spicy jalapeño pepperoni, with extra chili.” He flops down on the couch beside me. “So ... I was an asshole.”
“You think?” I lift a slice from the box and fold it in half, biting off the tip.
Gabe’s Adam’s apple bobs as he watches the movement. “It wasn’t fair of me to get mad at you.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“I’m just ... I’m protective of you.”
“Protective? Or covetous?” I shake my head. “You made the decision to stay where you are. I don’t begrudge you that, it just shows what kind of heart you have, and that’s commendable. But, Gabe, I’m going to move on. I’m going to date and fall in love one day, hopefully, and it’s not going to be with you.”
“I know.”
“You made your choice, and I’m just trying to deal with it.”
“Fuck, Freckles. I didn’t expect doing the right thing to hurt quite so much.”
I give him a sad smile. “Tell me about it.”
“Are we okay?”
I shrug. “We’re always okay.”
I wish that were true. I love him, and seeing him tortured this way, it breaks my heart. It hurts just as bad as not speaking to him. I don’t know where we go from here. All I know is, not having him in my life hurts worse than not having him at all.