“What’s up? Is Axl okay?”
“He is, but I need you tonight.”
He clears his throat and then there’s a beat of silence before he says, “Lo?”
“I mean, I need you to watch him tonight.”
“Did Arturo spring another late shift on you again?”
“No. I’m er ...”Just rip the fucking band-aid off, Lo. “I’m going on a date.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
Gabe
Iflick through the channels on Lo’s TV for the tenth time, not stopping long enough to really see what’s on. She looked like a fucking knockout when she left on her date with the doctor.I hope he’s a dick. I hope he chokes and can’t get it up. I hope—no, I don’t.
Lo deserves to be happy. It’d be better if she would just choose to be happy with me, but I’m afraid we’ll never be able to cross that line again. She knows how I feel about her, she has to. I can barely hide my fucking boner around her, but it’s more than that. We’ve always been more than just sexual. In my wife, I didn’t just meet my soul mate, I met the piece of me that I didn’t even know was missing ... and I fucked it all up.
I get up and check on Axl. His chest rises and falls rhythmically.Max and The Wild Thingsfrom his favorite book decorate the walls, lit only by the soft glow of Axl’s nightlight. He looks so peaceful. Oh, to sleep like that again, safe in the knowledge that your parents love you, they’ll protect you, save you from the wild things that rip and shred and roar. And sometimes if you’re lucky, they let you be the wild thing, even if only for a little while.
I have half a mind to poke the kid and wake him up, because having his chubby little arms wrapped around my neck makes me feel like someone still needs me. But I’m trying to be less selfish these days, so I pull the door closed and venture back to the lounge. I sip Diet Coke, wishing it was whiskey, knowing I can never touch a drop again, not without losing control, without losing myself.
I contemplate going into Lo’s bedroom, the bedroom we used to share, lying on her bed and rolling around on sheets that smelllike her.Because that wouldn’t be fucking awkward when she brings Dr. Asshole home.
Oh, Christ. I didn’t even think about what happens beyond their date. Will she go home with him? Fuck him in his fancy downtown apartment? Or will she bring him back here?
I crush the Diet Coke can in my hand, the residual droplets spill out over the carpet. I wanna fucking hit something. I want a drink. I want a joint. I want to cut off Dr. Sokolov’s balls and store them in a jar inside my pantry.
Headlights shine through the living room window, blinding me momentarily. Either this was the shortest date in history, or they skipped the meal and decided just to bang it out back at her place.
My legs eat the space between me and the door in three long strides and I yank it open. Lo walks toward me, her shoulders slumped. Beyond her, a taxi pulls away from the curb.
I arch a brow, eyeing the pizza box in her hand. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She steps in front of me until we’re toe to toe. And then she surprises the shit out of me by wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Hi.” I envelop her, pressing my nose to the crown of her head and inhaling the sweet jasmine and cedar scent of her shampoo.
“Dating is hard.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
She sighs against my chest and shakes her head. “I just want to stay here forever.”
“Then we’ll stay just like this.”
Lo chuckles into my shirt and pulls away, despite her declaration. She shoves the pizza box at me. “Here, I thought you’d appreciate the rest of this.”
“Mr. Big Shot Doctor took you for pizza?”
“No. He took me to a swanky restaurant ... and ran out on me before we could order.”
“What an asshole.”
“Right?” She turns and grins at me, flopping down on the couch. “To be fair, it was a medical emergency ... and I probably shouldn’t have led with, ‘My husband’s home with the baby’.”
I laugh and pull her against me, kissing the top of her hair. She wraps her arm around my waist and snuggles into my shoulder with a sigh. “Why is dating so hard?”