“Don’t you have blood on you too?” she questions as she steps away. “Just leave it tonight, Joey. I want to sleep.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
“Thank you.” She wraps her arms around her body as we leave, which is unlike her. I know something is wrong, and I’m pissed she won’t share whatever it is with me.
But, then again, I guess I’ve lost that right.
“Have you heard from Scott?” I ask as we stand out front. The streets are quiet with only a few cars driving by here and there.
“Yes.”
I knew it.
“Is he the reason you’re upset?” I push.
She turns, faces me, and steps closer. “Stop it,” she bites out, determination in her voice. “Stop it, Joey. Just stop it. You hurt me more than anyone. You know that. So stop it.”
“I wasn’t trying—”
“No, that’s the thing. You weren’t, were you?” She shakes her head. “Not Joey, who doesn’t know what he wants, except that he wants to fuck me. Not Joey, who uses a sex club as an escape.” I can feel her distancing herself from me, and she rolls her eyes. “You always aren’t trying, are you? You’re just being you.”
“Does me being around you affect you?”
Her hands go up in the air. “Yes, because it hurts my fucking heart, Joey. All this back and forth.”
“It can stop, then,” I tell her, feeling urgent. The last thing I want is to stop being with her in the only way I can, but I'll say just about anything to get her to stay. “We can stop.” The cab pulls up, and she takes a step closer to it.
“Ithasto stop. We both need to move on. This isn’t helping. I’ll pay you for the bookstore. I’ll send Merci over with the money. Do not come in again.” She opens the cab door and slides in. Not once does she glance back at me.
I stand there like a fool, watching her go.
Wondering if I am doing the right thing.
The last time we tried, it ended terribly.
This time, I was hoping for the opposite.
I guess we can’t all get what we want.
And I want her—there is no denying that. I’m just not sure I’m ready for everything she brings. When it was just her, it was different.
Now, it’s not just her I have to think about.
And I would never want to give false hope to a child.
TWENTY-FIVE
ADORA
The good news, I’ve found a place close to the bookstore, and Bianca has been awesome helping me move. She got me a couch, even though I told her I could get one myself. Her words were, “It’s a housewarming present.” The couch was super expensive, and now I’m not sure I want to eat on it. Jerome is in love with his school and also in love with Bianca, who helps out more than she should.
But I can’t say no to the help because she is one of the only people I trust with him.
I haven’t heard from my sister in weeks. For all I know, she’s gone back to Italy.
Joey has made no contact as I asked of him. I sent Merci over with some money, and she came back empty-handed. So I assumed he took it. I didn’t ask, to be honest.
And life, well, life is good.