Dylan
Day of the wedding…
They were married.
Unlike the happy couple, I didn’t feel like celebrating.
Marriage was a death sentence.
In more ways than one.
From my vantage point, I quietly watched as Remi dragged Reaper onto the dance floor for their first dance. A small, tiny part of me was happy he got that.
I didn’t. I didn’t get any of this. I should have given it to her.
She would have looked beautiful in white.
She deserved this and so much more.
More than I ever gave her.
Everything we’d been through, all the hardships, worry, and fear, she deserved more than she got. Now she would never get it. She would never smile again, cry, or feel the heartbreak of what she never had.
She was the lucky one.
Those she left behind would feel everything, see everything, try to survive it all. There was no such thing as happily ever after in this life. There would be some moments of happiness, but a life without a heart wasn’t a life worth living. I knew that now. I got it.
While everyone around me celebrated, I knew it was an illusion.
It wasn’t real because the real truth was that death was circling. Soon, death would show himself and the poor souls left standing would live a half-life when he left. Always remembering what was, thinking what if. That was the life they were destined for.
We all were.
“Hey you,” my sister said, sliding next to me. “You okay?”
What did she want me to say?
That I was absolutely fucking ecstatic for them?
I wasn’t. I was fucking angry.
It was the only emotion I knew, welcomed, held onto. I was never going to be happy again. Like that saying, ‘you never know what you have until it’s gone,’ well…I fucking knew.
I knew what I had and what I had lost.
There wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it now. Oh, there was stuff I wanted to do, dreamt about doing, but that wasn’t going to solve shit.
“I know you don’t see it now, but someone is out there….”
I growled. “Don’t.”
“Dylan. You can’t keep living like this.”
Oh yes I could. It’s what kept me from putting a bullet in my head.
Trust me, I’ve thought about doing just that more than once.
Maybe I would someday. Who knows?