“Please go,” I whispered, refusing to open my eyes. If I did, I knew he would see my real truth, the one I’d been hiding from the moment I left. It wasn’t fair to him or me. We made our beds. Now it was time to accept what was and move on.
His life would never have space for me. And I was too broken to care. We had our moment in the sun, but the darkness returned. For me, it never left. I belonged there now. I was happy there.
The air shifted, taking the heat with it as the cold filled my body once more. I gasped when I heard my door click shut, bending over as sobs wracked my body.
I couldn’t do this.
I should have left.
I should have listened to my brother and just left.
He wanted to, but I said no.
I am to blame for this.
Arms wrapped around me, holding me in their strong embrace. “It’s okay. Let it out,” I heard him say. I don’t know why, but I clung to him like a lifeline, hiding my face in his broad chest as his thick arms held me through my breakdown.
I wanted so much to scream, beg him to come back, and ask him to forgive me. But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t help either of us. I couldn’t change the past. It was done. Written in the wind for all time.
I had to find my way through the coming storm. Find my own beacon to give me the courage to do what I had to do next. I did it before. I could do it again.
Sniffing, I slowly moved as the strong arms fell away, letting me see who had come into my room. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I wasn’t. Out of everyone here, I knew it would be him.
Like me, he played a good game.
On the outside, he looked tough and took no shit from anyone. On the inside, he was a teddy bear. He was just a man who deeply loved his brother and lived to laugh. I always thought it funny that he said his brother wasn’t cut out for this life when in reality, neither was he.
“Want to talk about it?”
Shaking my head, I wiped my eyes. “No.”
“Want me to beat the shit out of him?”
I chuckled. “Maybe later. What are you doing here?”
“Ghost called another meeting.”
“Okay?” I sniffed once more, righting myself. It was bad enough I broke down over someone who was never mine, but to have a club brother find me broken was something I couldn’t have. I did have a reputation to uphold. I couldn’t have them all believing I was a simpering woman. That just wasn’t going to fly. “Does he need me to be there?”
“I don’t think it’s that kind of meeting.”
“Then why are you telling me?”
“I wanted to ask you something before I rode out. Is there anyone you know who could search the island? You know. To make sure.”
I sighed, looking away from him.
I got it.
I really did.
My big brother and his whole team were on that island too. I didn’t want to believe it, but the evidence was clear. We all saw the explosion. The damage was extensive. I just didn’t see how anyone could survive that. “Massacre. My brother was on that island too. You saw what I saw. Why?”
“Because I need to know for sure.”
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “Okay. I will see what I can do. I have a few friends who might be able to look into it, but I must warn you. You need to prepare yourself. I don’t think this is going to end well.”
“I just need to know for sure. If he’s dead, then I want him brought home. The rest of them too. My family deserves the right to mourn them. We all do.”