That’s just what had happened, though. Even after the scene this afternoon at the office, Sadie couldn’t regret what she’d had with Ethan. Yes, he’d made it plain that he wasn’t interested in love. That he didn’t want to give more than he had or risk more than he dared. And maybe she could understand why, even though she wanted to throttle him to make him see what they could have together if only he’d believe.
She’d left the office right after their...meeting and come to Gina’s. Ethan was perfectly capable of driving Emma home and seeing that she had dinner. It would be good for him to do it himself. To see what it would be like without Sadie around to help. And oh, that thought broke her heart. She wouldn’t be there to watch Emma grow up. Wouldn’t be sleeping with Ethan. Or having sex with him. Or waking up snuggled next to him. She wouldn’t even be working with him anymore, and boy, his absence in her life was going to leave a huge, gaping hole.
“I need cookies.” Gina got up to rummage in a cupboard and came up with a bag of chocolate-covered marshmallow cookies. “This is my private stash. None of the kids know. Not even Mike has found them yet. But I’m willing to share with you.”
“You’re a saint.” Sadie grinned and took a cookie for herself. Biting in, she took a quick look around. Gina’s kitchen was bright and cheerful. White walls, red cupboards and black granite counters. There were sippy cups on the drain board and a row of baby bottles waiting to be filled. It was homey and cozy and light-years from Ethan’s showplace kitchen. But, Sadie reminded herself, now that Julie was working at his house, she’d made some changes to the sterile atmosphere that could almost make it this warm.
“If I were a saint I wouldn’t have told you to sleep with Ethan.”
Sadie looked at her sister-in-law. “You couldn’t have stopped me, either.”
“Well, don’t tell Mike that. I have him convinced I’m all powerful.”
Sadie laughed and took another bite of cookie. “I can’t help what I feel, Gina.”
“But you’re hoping this is going to turn into a fairy tale or something,” the other woman said. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“Well, that’s annoying,” Sadie admitted. Because of course that’s what she’d been hoping for. Even knowing the chances of it happening were practically zip. And today had pretty much tied that up in a bow. Yet still, she hadn’t completely given up. “Okay, yes, I’m hoping, but the more rational part of me knows this isn’t going anywhere. But Gina, he’s hitting most of the points on my list now.”
“Really...” Gina ate another cookie and washed it down with wine.
Sadie ticked them off. “Sexy, oh yeah. Adventurous...” Thinking of the night before in the shower, she flushed with pleasure. “Boy howdy. He’s spending time with me and he loves Emma.”
“Has he actually said so?”
“No, but I can tell.” He didn’t want to say the word, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling the emotion. The more time Ethan spent with the baby, the easier he was with her. Emma had wormed her way into the man’s heart against his will and it was wonderful to watch. Whether Ethan knew it or not, he was opening up to the world. To possibilities. Why couldn’t one of those possibilities be her?
“And sense of humor?”
“He has that, too,” she insisted. “He doesn’t show it often, but it’s there.”
“Sadie, that list was there to prove to you that Ethan wasn’t the man for you. Instead, you’re fiddling with it to make sure he meets all the criteria you have. That’s not a good thing.”
“I know.” Restless, Sadie set her wine down and walked across the kitchen, picked up one of the baby’s bottles and turned it in her hands. She wanted children of her own. A husband. A job she loved. Was that really too much to ask?
Not looking at Gina, she said, “We’re still hunting for a nanny. When we find one, I’ll go.”
“I know you don’t want to,” Gina said.
“I really don’t.” Looking at her from across the room, Sadie gave her sister-in-law a sad smile. “I just love him. Like you love Mike.”