“He could wear a garbage sack and rock it,” Dylan said.
“First bachelorette this evening is Tiffany Bell,” Mayor Gripper said after welcoming everyone to the evening, and explaining what they were raising money for. He then tapped the microphone making everyone wince.
“Tiffany likes to read English literature.”
Pip choked on the sip of wine she’d just taken. Dylan gently massaged her back.
“Hit her,” Jack hissed.
“I’m not hitting my wife.”
“Water?” A hand came over from the rear with a glass attached. Pip gulped from it.
“Tiffany’s favorite date is tucked up on the sofa on a cold winter night watching Pride and Prejudice,” Mayor Gripper continued.
“T-Tiffany could beat up everyone in school when she was ten, boys included. She used to wear a collar with studs on, and books, according to her, were for dumb kids,” Piper wheezed. “She was my hero.”
Tiffany Bell was tall, with ruthlessly short hair. She walked out on stage wearing khaki cargo pants and a black tank top. It wasn’t cold in there, but it wasn’t exactly tropical either. She strutted about the stage scowling. Stopping where the Trainers sat, she looked at Pip, raised her chin, then moved on.
“She also likes martial arts,” Mayor Gripper added quickly after Bailey whispered something in his ear.
“The problem here is that my dear mama-in-law wrote up the notes on each bachelorette so they’re totally make-believe,” Pip added.
Dylan sighed loudly.
Bidding was sluggish, and then it started to climb. They soon reached four hundred dollars. That could be because Tiffany was pointing to her eyes with two fingers, then at someone behind Luke. The bidding climbed to six hundred dollars.
Everyone clapped loudly when the Harlan family won Tiffany. She excelled in farm machinery repairs, and the Harlans ran a large farm.
A few more bachelorettes came and went, and Luke felt the tension inside him rise. She’d be nervous and hate this.
“And next we have one of our business owners.”
Pip moaned. Joe hushed her.
“Ophelia owns the very successful and wonderful store that offers us organic produce and health food supplies. She also has the best power booster smoothie in town,” Mayor Gripper said.
“I think anything that you have to drink that’s green should be outlawed,” Dylan whispered. He got a round of agreement for that.
Ophelia wore a long evening gown in lime green. It showed off her every curve. The neckline was low, and there was a thigh-high slit in one side, exposing her legs. Her heels were black and high enough to give her a nose bleed.
“Ophelia loves to live a healthy lifestyle. She practices yoga and can achieve many positions.”
Lots of hoots and laughter followed that comment. Ophelia’s lips tightened.
“She reads extensively on how to improve her mind and body and achieve perfect harmony in her life,” Mayor Gripper continued.
“What were you thinking there… really?” Joe asked Luke.
“She’s a nice person,” he protested.
“No, she’s not. I have no issue with anyone’s lifestyle if it makes them happy, but she’s the absolute worst, Luke. Opinionated and loud.”
“It seemed a good idea at the time.”
The back of his head was slapped by Pip.
“All right!” Luke hissed. “I messed up. Back off.”