“Okay.” He turned enough to kiss me once. “I already texted the guys to leave us alone.”
I pulled back and laughed. “Presumptuous much?”
He flashed a grin, the one he often held back. The one that reached his eyes and made him ten times more attractive than he already was. I loved that smile. I loved that it meant he was truly happy at that moment.
“I was hoping.” He scooted to the corner of the sectional and spread his legs out in front of him before patting the spot between them. “Can I just hold you for a little bit?”
There was no fighting the smile that spread across my lips as I crawled toward him, dropping him the remote on the way. I settled with my back against his chest, and his left leg wrapped around mine.
He turned on the TV to a random channel, then tossed the remote to the side. His fingers tangled in my hair, rubbing my scalp in a soothing massage.
I sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying his touch and just being near him. He was right. We didn’t get much time alone. It was easy to go across the street and hang out with Gavin, and Sky had a way of always being around. Even Luca, who lived the furthest away, found time to be with me. It was Vince and Noah that were the hardest. I knew if Vince had a car, he’d be here every second he could.
Noah was different. He didn’t seem to know how to reach out until tonight. I was usually the one to find him. It was probably his more introverted nature combined with being outnumbered by his best friends that made it challenging for both of us.
I never forgot about him. That was impossible, but when the others made it so convenient for me, I forgot I needed to make the effort with him.
On the cruise, things had been different. He knew what he wanted and took it, but he was different at home.
“Noah?” My voice was quiet, not wanting to break the spell of the moment.
“Yeah?” His chest rumbled against me.
“Remember on the cruise when you booked us the snorkeling excursion?”
“Mmm hmm.” The sound vibrated through me.
“Why . . .” I sighed. How did I ask this?
His fingers stopped moving, and I nearly groaned. “Why did I book that? You told me you wanted to go.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” I fumbled with the hem of my shirt. “Why did you take the initiative? I mean, you probably knew the guys would get upset, but you did it anyway.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I knew they’d be pissed even though we agreed to give each other space. I did it because I wanted us to have a memory together. Just the two of us. Snorkeling in the Caribbean seemed like the best kind.”
I smiled. “It was perfect. I still can’t believe we saw that turtle. It was magical, and I’m grateful you did that for us.” I hated to move, but I needed to see him when he answered this. “But what made you do that on the cruise when you don’t do things like that here?”
He licked his lips while avoiding looking at me. “The cruise wasn’t real life. It was this temporary paradise. I didn’t feel the normal rules applied. I could be bolder. It didn’t feel like there were consequences.”
“Because we were on the cruise or away from home?” I was desperately trying to understand. What did I have to do to make him feel like he could be that way here?
“Probably a little of both,” he said finally.
I didn’t know what to do with that. It wasn’t helpful. “How can I make you feel bolder and freer here?”
He reached out and stroked my cheek with his finger. “That’s a me problem. It’s not something you can fix.”
“I think it’s an us thing, Noah. I want you to feel that way all the time, not just when we’re on vacation.”
His finger trailed down the side of my neck and over my shoulder. I nearly shivered but kept my attention on him. He couldn’t distract me that easily.
“It’s different here.” His eyes followed the path of his fingers.
“Why?” I almost took his hand in mine to get him to focus, but he quickly answered.
“There are rules, expectations, parents, homework, the Society. I don’t feel like I can just take what I want without being selfish or falling short in another area.” He stopped at my hand and intertwined our fingers. “I don’t know how to balance it all. It’s easy to compartmentalize. Scheduling a date with you seems the only way to know that I can dedicate my full attention to you, but that’s too hard and too sparse. I need more.”
I used my free hand to tilt his chin up so he would look at me. “School’s almost out. That will free up a lot of our time. We can do better this summer, and hopefully, by this fall, we’ll both do better with balancing everything.”
He swallowed. “Okay.”
One word, and I was grinning like a madwoman. “Okay.” He wanted to try. Since now I knew what the problem was, I could work on a solution.