“Rust!” Dax admonished. “Not the time.” Dax shot me a sad look, and the Medical Model’s face fell. His ruby eyes darted from Viper and I, trying to figure out what he had walked in on.
My shoulders shook as hysterical laughter bubbled up. I slapped a hand over my mouth, but I couldn’t stop it. I clutched my stomach, descending into what felt like madness as I laughed like a loon. Now wasn’t the time for a breakdown, but when was the right time? If you couldn’t lose it when you learn you’ll be dead in two months or less, then when could you?
Tears streamed down my face, first from the laughter then from the horrible truth of my impending fate. I howled in Viper’s arms like a wounded animal, releasing everything I had tried to push down.
Regret, fear, rage, and sorrow wrapped around my limbs, waging a war and threatening to tear me apart. I had been worried about Viper breaking but here I was, cracking open, spilling onto the floor with great big sobs.
Finally, my tears ran dry, and my crying stopped. My throat was raw and aching, but the pain was a relief. The rest of me felt completely hollow. It took me a moment to realize the room had gone silent. I lifted my head from where it had fallen against Viper’s chest and scanned the lab.
Dax, Dr. Shaw, and a large red Medical Model with scarring all over his face and neck stood staring at me with wide eyes.
“Sorry about that,” I said, my voice coming out rough and hoarse. I stiffened my spine, drawing myself back into the dark. Feelings were useless. They wouldn’t save me. I had done this to myself. I only wished I wouldn’t hurt the people I loved when I paid the price for my selfish choice.
“Don’t you dare,” Viper growled. “Stay with me. Yell, cry, scream, hit something, but don’t retreat inside yourself. I don’t want to spend our last days with a ghost of you.”
I sniffled, nodding. Hiding had been my go too. It had been easy to slip back into my old habit.
The Medical Model stepped closer. “I am the one who should be sorry. I hadn’t meant to hurt you with my careless words.”
I peered up at him. “Rust, is it?”
He nodded.
“You didn’t know. And as you can see, I haven’t died quite yet.” Bad joke. I know. But it was better than starting another round of laughing and crying. I wasn’t even sure if I had any tears left. I had been wrung dry.
My arms wrapped around Viper’s neck. “Take me home, V. I need some snuggle time.”
Viper’s purple eyes widened at the use of my nickname, and despite the dire circumstances, a tiny smile teased the edges of his lips.
Carefully he stood up, my legs wrapping around his waist. Dropping my head onto his shoulder, I breathed him in.
Viper carried me to the door. As I passed Dax, I reached out my hand. Viper stopped and the Science Model placed his green hands around mine, his eyes full of sorrow. “I have failed you.” He hung his head, refusing to look at me.
Dax was brilliant. He was used to saving people. Add in the fact that it was his female’s best friend he couldn’t save? Yeah, he had to be feeling like shit.
“This is not your fault. You gave me time, Dax. I would have already been dead if it wasn’t for you.”
Glossy emerald eyes met mine. “How…” he swallowed hard, shaking his head. “How do I tell Poe that I can’t save a person she loves?”
“You don’t, Dax. I’ll tell her. This was my mistake. I knew that tech was dangerous. I implanted it into my brain anyway. It was stupid and selfish, and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. No one is to blame in this except for me. And I know that after I am gone, she will have you to protect and love her. That makes it a bit easier to say goodbye.”
He could only nod, and I knew that despite my words, he would still blame himself in some way, even if it was small.
Faced with the consequences of my actions, I realized this was the biggest fuck up of my entire life. I’d give anything to take it back.
“I want to go home now,” I whispered, the weight of what I had done sinking in. Viper carried me out of the lab, and I clung to him. My fracturing heart was nothing compared to the hearts I would crush when I was gone.