I relaxed my grip on his hand. “Dax, do you think you could me go grab some waffles from the common room?” I rubbed my free hand over my stomach. “It feels like I haven’t eaten in forever.”
Creases appeared on his forehead. “You haven’t. I supplied your body with liquid nutrition over the duration of your coma.”
Nope. I refused to ask about that statement so instead I simply replied, “Thank you,” giving his arm a pat. The words liquid nutrition reinforced my need for something real to eat, and my stomach let out another rumble. This had started as a way to get Dax out of here so I could talk to Dr. Shaw by herself, but now Ireallyneeded those freaking waffles.
Dax’s eyes went to the door as he went to let go of my hand, but it was like his fingers simply would not let go. His brow furrowed. “I am finding it difficult to leave you.”
Even though I knew I had to learn what Dr. Shaw was keeping from us, the feeling was mutual. I couldn’t bear the thought of Dax being out of my sight. The fear that once he was gone something bad could happen was so consuming, it nearly overrode everything else. I shook my head, trying to dislodge it. One of us had to be strong and now that I was awake, it was my turn.
I gave him a reassuring smile. “It will be okay, and Dr. Shaw is here if I need anything.” I looked to her. “You’ll stay with me, right?”
“Of course.” She turned her attention to Dax. “Go get your female something to eat. Nothing on the scanner indicates Poe is in any serious danger,” she reached a hand over, patting his cheek in a very motherly gesture of affection, “and you know I will do everything in my power to make sure she is safe.”
Dax nodded then slowly slid his hand free and headed to the door. He hesitated at the door, looking back over his shoulder and I flashed him my best ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be okay’ smile, and that was enough to make him step out into the hallway. I listened until I heard the front door opening and closing before I dropped the smile and pushed back my shoulders. Whatever was coming I’d face it.
“He’s gone,” I crossed my arms over my chest, bracing myself, “I need you to tell me what you didn’t want to say in front of him.”
Dr. Shaw’s let out a frustrated breath. “If I tell you, I am sure it is only going to make you attempt to do something foolish.”
I glared at her. “If it’s aboutmybody ormybrain, I have the right to know.” I blew out a breath and softened my gaze. “You know I am right. Tell me. I can handle it.”
She sank down onto the bed, next to me. “It’s not you I am worried about.” She sighed and met my eyes. “I figured out what went wrong with Dax’s formula.” The words came out like a confession, one she hadn’t wanted to admit.
My mouth fell open. “You don’t want him to know what went wrong?” My stomach clenched, and this time it wasn’t from hunger. I stared at her, wide eyed. “Why? Dax has beenkilling himselfwithguiltover what happened! How could you keep this from him, knowing what it was doing to him?” I jumped off the bed, not wanting to be anywhere near her. My hands curled into fists.I will not hit Dax’s mother. I will not hit Dax’s mother.I repeated the mantra in my head, trying to keep myself from smacking the woman who had created the man I loved.
“What it was doing tohim?Do you know whatyoudid tohim? Younearly broke myson!” She hit the floor, gripping my shoulders tight as she gave me a shake. “He wanted to be deactivated if you didn’t make it! I almost lost him!” Her hold on me tightened, pure anguish in her voice.
“I’m sorry.” Tears burned behind my eyes as I deflated in her grasp. “All I wanted to do was love your son forever.” The tears broke free, tumbling down my cheeks. “I should have never asked him to give me his formula. Dax is all I ever wanted..I..I...” I couldn’t finish. The words got lodged in my throat, my tears falling so fast I couldn’t see. Dax wasn’t the only one in this equation that was racked with guilt. I had pushed it down, not wanting him to see it, but Dr. Shaw’s words had released the floodgates.
What the hell was I doing? Pushing again to get my way, that’s what.And at what cost? I had been so focused on getting my forever that I hadn’t thought about the cost of abstaining it. I was willing to pay the price no matter what, but I couldn’t ask the cyborg I loved to pay it, nor his family that had just gotten him back. I swiped at tears, forcing myself to get it together. So what if we only had 60 or so years instead of forever? Whatever time I got with Dax I would be more than grateful for. “I won’t hurt Dax again. Let’s forget this whole thing, okay? I will take however many days I have with Dax and cherish each and every one.” I reached out to pat her arm. “I think Dax is perfect, Dr. Shaw. I consider myself lucky to have his heart, and I swear I won’t do anything else that might damage it.”
Strong arms pulled me in, Dr. Shaw wrapping me up in a warm, fierce hug. “I am sorry too, my dear. I let my emotions get the better of me.” Her hand brushed over the top of my head before pushing a strand of hair gently off my face. “The way you love Dax is more than any mother can ever ask for. You love him for him. I am so grateful you have his heart. You are the only one I trust with it which is why we can’tloseyou. And that is what is going to happen, Poe, if we don’t get you a second dose.”
I froze. That couldn’t be right. I moved out of her hold, rubbing at the goosebumps that had broken out on my arms. “Lose me?” I shook my head. “No, that can’t be right. For a girl in a coma a day ago, I am feeling great. I don’t even need my glasses to see clearly anymore, so some of Dax’s formula must have worked.”
“It did, but the effects aren’t permanent I’m afraid.” Dr. Shaw got that sad look in her eyes again and I knew she was telling the truth. “I studied the last scan Dax took right after you woke up before I came here. They don’t match the one I just took. The effects are already beginning to fade, and when they are gone, you most likely will slip into a coma again, and this time I don’t think you will wake back up.”
A sob bubbled up in my throat and I covered my face with my hands, collapsing back down onto the bed. I had just accepted the fact that I wouldn’t have forever with Dax a moment ago. Now it seemed like those sixty years I had planned to spend with him weren’t going to happen either. Another flood of tears began to burn behind my eyes.
Oh God, what about Dax?I pressed the heel of my hand into my chest, trying to rub at the ache in my heart. This woulddestroyhim.I wish I had never come here.I never thought I would ever think that, but it was true.I was going to be the one who destroyed the heart of the cyborg rebellion.
I shot to my feet and grabbed Dr. Shaw. “Take me away from here before it happens. Dax can’t know. Do whatever,” my fingers dug into her shoulders, “say whatever you need to so he doesn’t go offline permanently. Please,” I begged.
“It wouldn’t matter what I said or what I did, my dear. Dax isbondedto you. Where you go, he will follow.” She tugged my hands free, grasping them in her warm ones, her eyes flashing with determination. “Thatis why I will make sure the only place he will be following you is intoforever.” Her lips tipped up into a smile. “Did you forget who I was, dear?”