I forced myself to raise my head and acknowledge my friends. Their eyes held only sadness and concern. I took a deep breath, “No, there is nothing you can do.” I tucked a lock of hair behind Poe’s ear. “I fear it’s up to her now. I am keeping her body alive with as much nutrient boosters I think she can handle, but she still gets thinner day after day.”
I turned to Iris. “Do you think it’s because she is tired? Tired of being kept here like this because I can’t let her go?”
Iris’s eyes widened, filling with tears. She pulled me to her, wrapping her arms around me, hugging me tight. “No, she loves you. She doesn’t want to go, but I think that maybe she’s just lost. That she wants to come back, but she doesn’t remember the way any longer.”
Iris kept hugging me as Dash moved around to stand beside the table. His tall blue frame leaned down until his head was positioned right by Poe’s ear. “I’ve been lost in the dark before, but Iris found me. Don’t give up, Dax’s female. Hold on until Dax can find you and bring you home.”
My chest tightened. Despite what happened, my friends still believed that I could do this. They had faith in me. “The two of you were my first friends.” I smiled at the memory of me rushing down the hallway to meet them for the first time. Dash had been less than thrilled as my approach had seemed a bit threatening, and he had been determined to protect and keep his female.
Iris had been more welcoming, shaking my hand and agreeing with Dr. Shaw that she thought I was special.
“If I can’t find a way to bring Poe home, I have made the decision to follow her. Dash once faced the same choice and I can now understand why he would have followed you, Iris.”
Dash reached over the table and clasped my arm. “Brother,” his eyes filled with fluid as gripped my arm tight. Iris hugged me harder, her face buried in my shoulder as she cried.
My free hand patted her arm as I let her cry. My own eyes were filling, but I forced myself to continue even though it seemed impossible to speak. “I want to thank the both of you for your gift of friendship. It meant the world to a very lonely green cyborg and I have been honored to call you my friends.”
Iris sniffled against my neck. “I love you, Kiwi.”
Oh, that nickname. It had always confused me, but now I realized how I would miss it. No one ever thought to care enough to give me one until Iris.
When they finally let go, the warmth I felt surrounded by them vanished. In my heart, I knew I was making the right choice, I couldn’t exist without Poe, but the pain hammering in my heart made me question my choice. I watched them walk out of the lab and wondered if I could truly do it.
How many more friends did I yet have to say goodbye to? The list of names that scrolled through my processors seemed endless.
Could I really do it? Could I look at every one of my friends and tell them of my choice? Could Itellmy mother? The looks she had been giving me this week made me suspect that she already knew. Rust and Axios had found every excuse to be in the lab. They didn’t talk, simply watched me with sadness and acceptance in their eyes. They were preparing themselves for my departure.
Acer had stormed in then stormed back out again, clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly. I gathered he had heard the rumors. Nothing at the cyborg rebellion stayed a secret. Every cyborg could logically process I would do what Dash had planned to do. I could see a struggle on his face whenever he stormed in. I wanted to reassure him, but I couldn’t lie to him. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to say anything to him and he hadn’t found the courage to ask.
I adjusted the blanket over Poe, smoothing out the wrinkles and making sure she was completely covered. “Is Iris correct? Are you just lost, my lovely Poe?” I scooped her up, blanket and all, gathering her to my chest. I had been worried to move her at first but as the weeks went on, I couldn’t stand not having her in my arms. One day, overcome with the need to hold her, I picked her up and cradled her close. When it didn’t damage her, I found myself holding her more and more as time went on. I knew I should be working on a way to fix her instead of this, but every failure had stripped more of my sanity away. Holding her seemed to calm my programming, making it easier to get up and try again.
I put a kiss to her forehead. “I need you to try and remember. I don’t know how much longer you can remain in the dark before the day comes when the way back is lost to us forever. Please, if you can hear me, you need to remember. You need toremember and come home.”
*Poe*
The beat was back. The reassuring thump was steady against my ear, soothing me and helping to fight off the ever-present darkness. I couldn’t remember what it was even though some part of me knew I should. I spent all my time fighting the darkness that longed to claim me. It pressed against me from every side, caging me in, holding me hostage under its weight. Every time the beat went away, it stole away my safety, leaving me here alone to face it all by myself.
At first the darkness never left. It urged me to let go and let it take me, but for some reason, I fought against it. I fought and I fought until my strength began to fade and I had started to think it would be easier to give in. Then the beat arrived, quieting the darkness and giving me the strength I needed to keep fighting. When it vanished the first time, I screamed myself hoarse begging it to come back.
I needed it to come back. I needed it more than air, more than light. It called to me, trying to get me to remember something important. Something I had to have if I wanted to defeat what was holding me here captive. The beat held the way back, it was my map, the way to something better than this.
It came more frequently now, the sound stronger than ever, pushing back the darkness and finally becoming a tiny sliver of light, a pinprick in a sea of black. Day after day it kept growing, surrounding me with its light until I could almost make out something or...someone in the distance. The form would start to take shape, but the moment the beat went silent, the darkness roared back in, desperate to reclaim me for its self. I had been using all my strength to drag myself closer when the hazy form showed up, but I couldn’t tell if I was getting any closer.
“Please if you can hear me, you need to remember. You need to remember and come home.”
My head snapped up in attention. Words. This time, the beat brought words along with its light. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the voice, my heart pounding frantically inside my chest as I tried to remember, as I tried to do what it asked. The voice was familiar. Safe. Where I knew I needed to be.
No.
It was who I needed to be with.
“Dax,” I breathed into the darkness and watched as the black shattered all around me, it’s cold grasp slinking away as it shuddered with rage over losing its prize. A green hue blazed, wrapping around my body and warming my soul. Memory after memory flashed like stars, filling the space with light and love. I suddenly knew what the beat was.
It was the sound of my cyborg’s heart.
And he was using it to call me home.
Something glowed in the back of my brain and I chased after it, reaching deep into myself, struggling to find it. There had been something wrong with the sound of Dax’s voice. He had been begging me to remember. What the hell was wrong with me? Why hadn’t I recalled what my cyborg’s heartbeat sounded like?