“It’s amazing those two lived to adulthood.”
“You’re not the first one to say that.”
He perched on the arm of the chair. His eyes glittered in the lamplight.
I looked away, embarrassed by his penetrating gaze. What was he thinking about?
“Do you have everything you need?” I asked. “Is your room adequate?”
“Addie, if you saw my hovel in the city you wouldn’t have to ask. But thank you. I have everything I need.”
He appeared to be focusing on something behind my head. I realized it was the painting of my mother. It had been commissioned when I was only a few years old, but Mama had hardly aged. It was clean living, she always said, when people commented on how young she still looked, even though she was in her mid-forties.
“You look like her. Except for your eye color. There’s never been a beauty like a Barnes woman. All of you.” He shook his head, as if remembering a distant memory. “The first time I came here, I couldn’t help but wonder how it was possible that each of you was as pretty as Fiona. Each of you fierce and smart, too.”
“Not me,” I said.
“You’re the fiercest of all.” James crossed over to the desk. He wore a summer suit, slightly rumpled, which strangely enough only added to his attractiveness. “You’re the one who lived when everyone thought she wouldn’t.”
“Theo cured me.” I could still remember the night I thought was the end of my life as if it were last week. I’d been twelve that winter. Unable to keep food down, I’d almost starved. I’d stopped eating entirely, so tired of feeling horrible after a meal. I’d wandered outside on a cold, snowy night, delirious and sure I’d heard angels calling me home. Viktor had been the one to find me, having felt some strange urge to head to our house instead of his own that night.
“I can see you thinking.” He placed his fingers under his eyes. “Like your eyes have a mouth.” He chuckled. “I’m a little drunk.”
I caught the faint scent of cigars and whiskey mixed with his spicy outdoor smell that stirred my senses to a boiling point. I’d have liked to put that scent in a bottle and pull it out whenever I wanted. Or would it be too painful to have his essence when I couldn’t have him?
“I could watch you all day, Addie Barnes. Just to see those eyes talking to me.”
I flushed with pleasure. To hide my reaction, I rattled off a retort. “I’ve never seen you drinking before.”
“Do you disapprove?” He raised an eyebrow. “Have I caused you to change your mind about me?”
“Very much so.” I smiled to let him know I was only teasing him.
“It’s the devil’s drink. The loosener of lips. Your brothers are bad influences. But I had fun. I can’t remember when I’ve had as much fun, actually.” He unfastened his tie and sat on the edge of the desk. “Sometimes, Miss Adelaide Barnes, I feel about a hundred years old.”
My heart sank at the hopelessness in his eyes. “Oh, James.” I sat in the chair, only inches from him.
Our eyes met and remained tethered. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. The ticking of the grandfather clock kept time with my heart.
“I shouldn’t be in here, should I?” James asked, huskily. “It’s inappropriate. You in your nightclothes, me drunk. Scandalous even.”
“No one would think anything of it. You’re family.”
“If they knew what was in here”—he tapped his temple—”they’d have me locked in my room.”
My heart now beat faster than that second hand ticking away. What did he mean? What thoughts were such that he should be kept away from me? Surely they couldn’t be any more indelicate than my own.
“I should stop talking,” James said. “Push all my thoughts back inside me and do the right thing.”
I held my breath, unsure what to do next. Part of me wanted to run away. The other part wanted to move closer, to place my mouth against his.
He chuckled, hanging his head and speaking just above a whisper. Still, the yearning in his voice resounded loud and clear. “Shall we elope, Addie? Leave it all behind? My family would have to make their own way. I could take your name, become a Barnes. Wouldn’t that be something?”
“You’ve had too much to drink,” I said softly, the ache in my throat like a pounding fist. “You’re talking nonsense.”
“I know I am.” He looked up at me, his eyes blazing. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. Since this afternoon. What you told me, it’s—it’s made me see everything differently. Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“Not stupid.” Dangerous, I thought. So very dangerous.