“What if no such man exists?”
I smiled and allowed myself to brush her cheek, just once, with the back of my fingers. “He does. Right now, he’s wondering where you are.”
“If only that were true.” Her fingers found mine, and she squeezed three times. I love you, those fingers seemed to say. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Addie’s love would be true and loyal, life-giving. But even as I thought it, I dismissed the idea. Even if she were to love me, where would that leave us? It would not change my duty to my family or their desperate need. My life would play out as I’d always known it would. A loveless marriage. Years of loneliness in a house full of people, just as my mother and father had done. What audacity it had been to think I could escape my fate. My family’s fate.
“Do you know what I think?” I asked.
“What’s that?”
“I think we should have as much fun this summer as we possibly can. Starting tomorrow. What would you like to do?”
She lifted her face upward, smiling. “We could go on a picnic at the river park. Delphia could join us. She’s always interested in a party. All the young people get together on Saturday afternoons. I don’t usually go.”
“Why not?”
“I’m too busy writing.”
“When will I see this masterpiece?” I asked.
“Soon. I think. Every time I think it’s ready for eyes other than Delphia’s, I change my mind.”
“Take advantage of my time here,” I said. “I should pay my way somehow for your parents’ hospitality.”
“Yes, I shall. I promise. Perhaps next week.”
I smiled, thoroughly charmed, as I had been from the first time I met my little wordsmith. She was all grown up now. A woman of talent and beauty in equal measures. The man who ended up with her by his side would be a lucky one indeed.
4
ADDIE
All my lifeI’d thought of myself as a good and virtuous person. Less selfish and self-centered than many of my peers, perhaps even more grateful to be alive because of my near-death experience as a child. However, the next afternoon at the river, I had to face my true self. I was not good. I’d told James a lie. I didn’t want only for him to be happy. I wanted him to be happy with me.
Now, we sat on a blanket in the shade of the tall aspens at the river park. The grass was scattered with young couples or groups of friends picnicking on blankets. The water was deep at this particular spot on the river, which made it a great area for a park. Years ago, when I was still a child, my brothers had fallen trees and planted grass to make it a recreational area for whoever wanted to enjoy. For a long time now, it was a popular location for swimming and bonfires on the sandy beach below the grassy bank.
We’d already eaten the fried chicken Lizzie had packed and were now enjoying sweet, plump grapes. Delphia had her back against a tree with her legs stretched out. She held a book on her lap, reading about the history of the queens and kings of England that Papa had found for her. She was fascinated by history, especially that of our father’s homeland. We might be Americans, but we also thought of ourselves as British, at least in spirit.
Every once in a while she looked up to ask James a question about English nobility or politics, but for the most part, she remained absorbed in the pages. James was sprawled out on his side, resting his face in his hand. A copy of Sinclair Lewis’s latest,Work of Art, lay unopened next to him. I sat with my legs tucked under me, reading E.M. Forster’sHowards End. I’d read it before but had decided to revisit it.
“Do you know all these people?” James asked, drawing me from the story.
“Mostly, yes. From school or church.” I told him the names of most of the young people around us.
He seemed especially keen to hear about each one, which struck me as odd. “Why do you want to know?” I asked.
“No reason, other than I’m trying to pick out the chap who has captured your heart. Is he here?”
“I wouldn’t tell you if he was,” I said.
“But why?” His eyes narrowed as he studied me.
“Because it’s private.”
“You’re afraid I’d do something to embarrass you?” James asked, without a hint of teasing.
“I know you’d not do it on purpose, but your protective nature might get the better of you.”
“Fair enough. When it comes to the Barnes women, I cannot be expected to behave rationally.” His gaze flickered toward a pair of young men striding across the lawn toward us. “What about them?”