“Lyudmila told him it’s just a drill,” I say in English, keeping my voice low. I hope Slava doesn’t understand. Thanks to Chloe, my nephew now knows a bunch of words and a few basic sentences in English, but he’s still far from fluent. “He’s taking it well, don’t you think?”
Chloe swallows visibly and glances up as more gunfire sounds in the distance. Her voice is only marginally unsteady. “Yeah. He’s doing great.”
Whereas I’m a nervous wreck, and so is she. She’s tapping her bare foot on the floor, the sound pounding at my brain like a hammer.
“Please don’t do that,” I say, and she stops, only to begin chewing on her bottom lip.
Lyudmila, who’s sitting on the other futon, gives me a reproving look. She’s as pale as I must be, but she’s holding it together, even though Pavel is out there, in danger, same as Nikolai.
Same as Alexei, if he’s behind it all.
I take a breath and try to get a hold of myself—without much success. My head feels like it’s been gripped in a vise, one that tightens more with each passing second. I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I can imagine. We have a couple of dozen guards patrolling the perimeter, all of them highly trained, and Nikolai and Pavel are each worth at least a dozen men. But they’re still human, still fallible. If the attackers have come with a big enough force—
More distant gunfire. Chloe flinches, hugging Slava tighter, and Lyudmila jumps. My neck and shoulders feel like they’ve been fused with metal as I sit there rigidly, trying not to move.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Dammit. Chloe is tapping her foot on the floor again. I try to focus on something else, anything else, but the sound is driving me insane, melding as it does with the frantic rhythm of my heartbeat and the throbbing at my temples.
I shoot an acid glare her way, but she doesn’t see it. I guess I have to say it. “Stop it, Chloe.”
My tone is sharper than I intended, and her head jerks up, her big brown eyes startled. “Sorry about that.” She shifts Slava from one knee to the other. “I’m just worried for them.”
She’sworried? My entire body is a raw, exposed nerve, my stomach knotted so tightly I might throw up.
The Leonovs have found us.
I’m almost certain it’s Alexei’s forces out there.
Lyudmila gives me a sympathetic look, and I drag in a strained breath. We’re in a safe room, but I don’t feel the least bit safe. How can I, when there is a war going on above us? When men might be bleeding, dying? When I suspect it’s at least partially my fault?
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
I jackknife to my feet. “Can you just fucking stop?”
Under different circumstances, I would be sympathetic to Chloe’s distress, but my ribcage feels like it’s folding in on itself, and my headache is worsening by the second. I had another bad episode recently, one that required me to resort to my pills, and I’m still not entirely over it. Each day, I battle the urge to take a pill or two… or ten. It’s so tempting to just swallow the painkillers and float away, to forget the ever-present fear and doubt.
Have I endangered my brother and his new family by hiding out with them?
Would Alexei have been as determined to locate Nikolai’s compound if he didn’t suspect that I am here?
Chloe tenses, and I can tell she’s about to snap back at me when Lyudmila turns to me. Despite her pallor, her voice is calm, soothing as she says in Russian, “It’s not the girl’s fault. She’s just afraid for Nikolai.”
Of course she is. I can’t blame her. I’m terrified for my brother, and for Pavel and all the guards.And for Alexei.
The throbbing in my temples sharply intensifies, and I sink back onto the futon, breathing shallowly. It’s so stupid to think about that, about the danger to Alexei whenheis the danger, but I can’t help it. My hand shakes as I shove it through my hair before smoothing it down the front of my dress.
God, I’m such a fucking mess.
The futon compresses next to me, and I look up to find Chloe perched there, sans Slava, who’s now sitting by himself on the bed, surveying us curiously.
“Are you okay?” she asks in a low voice.
I stare at her in silence, and she continues, undeterred. “Is something else going on? You seem unusually agitated—not that you don’t have good reason to be.”
I’m about to reply, but then I shake my head. She doesn’t know anything about me and Alexei, and this isn’t the time to delve into it. Besides, even though I’m convinced it’s Alexei out there, that hasn’t been officially confirmed. It could still be some other enemy of ours—or even Chloe’s. “It’s nothing,” I say tightly. “I’m getting a bad headache, that’s all.”
Sympathy fills her warm brown gaze. My headaches—that she knows about. She covers my hand with hers, her slender palm warm on my frozen skin. “Do you have your medication?”