“I know, but I made plans with Natasha weeks ago. She’s really eager to see me.” And I’m really eager to get out of here.
“Take a few bodyguards with you then.” She returns her attention to the TV.
“I will, of course.”
I can go now, but I hover in the doorway, uncertain of what to do. I’m dying to escape the toxic atmosphere in my parents’ penthouse, but I’ve never seen Mama so upset, nor Papa so enraged and drunk. Rumor has it she’s taken a lover, some government official who’s so high up that even my powerful father can’t take him out without consequences. I have no idea if it’s true, but if it is, I hope that means my parents will finally go their separate ways.
It’s long, long overdue.
She continues staring blankly at the screen as I chew on my lower lip, torn between my desire to leave and my need to comfort her. She wouldn’t welcome the latter, I know—she likes to pretend none of us know about her discord with Papa—but I don’t know if I can leave her like this. If at least Pavel and Lyudmila were here, they could look after her, but they both have the evening off.
Hesitantly, I step into the room. “Mama…”
“Just go,” she says tonelessly, not taking her eyes off the screen. “I want to be alone.”
I want to honor her wish, but some instinct propels me deeper into the room. Approaching her plush chair, I sink to my haunches in front of her. “Mama, are you sure you’re okay?”
Her tear-glazed eyes meet mine, and her lipstick-covered mouth quivers in a forced smile. “Why wouldn’t I be, Alinochka?”
As she speaks, her slim, perfectly manicured fingers play with her necklace, a heart-shaped diamond pendant on a thin gold chain that Papa gifted her upon Konstantin’s birth. It’s one of her favorite pieces of jewelry, and I often spot it on her neck after their fights. I suspect it’s a way for her to remind herself of the good times, before she knew what the man she married was really like.
Carefully, I venture, “You seem a little upset. Is something going on?”
Her mouth quivers harder. “No, no. Just…” She reaches behind her neck and fumbles with the clasp of the chain. “Here.” She grabs my hand and places the necklace onto my palm. “I want you to have it.”
“Oh, um… thanks, but why?”
“I don’t need it anymore.” She attempts that shaky smile again. “I’ve worn it enough.”
Or she’s done trying to pretend that the good times—assuming there were any—are worth putting up with the hell that is her marriage now.
The rumors must be right. She and Papa are finally divorcing, and I can’t say I feel anything but relief.
“Thank you, Mama,” I say softly, closing my fist over the necklace as I rise to my feet. “I will treasure it.”
“Oh, it’s just a trinket,” she says, waving her hand. “I’m sure Alexei will gift you much prettier things.”
I freeze in the middle of putting on the necklace. “Alexei?”
She nods, looking a bit sheepish. “Did I forget to tell you? He’s coming by to pick you up first thing tomorrow morning. Wants you to spend the day together. He didn’t mention it to you? He was going to come by today, see you as soon as you got home, but his flight from Hong Kong was delayed.”
“No,” I say in a choked voice, dropping my hands. “He didn’t mention anything to me.”
The last time we had any interaction was at my eighteenth-birthday party, or rather, when he dropped me off at home with the admonition to rest and feel better. At least I think that’s what he said. I was mostly out of it during the car ride due to the headache and the lingering effects of the pills. In fact, that whole evening is a blur. What I do remember clearly is that Alexei promised me six months, and six months from late July is not the end of December. I have almost four more weeks of freedom. Except… did he also say my winter break is when we’d decide the timing of everything?
Fuck. He did, and I totally blocked it out of my mind, latching on to the six months as if it were a date carved in stone.
Idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking. No, it’s more like Iwasn’tthinking. I was so giddy at the unexpected reprieve that I threw myself into college life with the reckless abandon of someone who has six months left to live. I took all the classes, went to all the parties, did every extracurricular activity I could, and whatever free time remained in my jam-packed schedule I spent exploring every nook and cranny of New York City, from well-known museums to invitation-only poetry slams in basements on the Lower East Side.
For the majority of the past five months, I was busy from the moment I opened my eyes at sunrise until I passed out from sheer exhaustion after midnight, and the only time thoughts of Alexei were able to invade my mind was at night, in my nightmares and dreams. Even on the plane ride over here, I was frantically fixing a bug in the app I wrote for my Intro to Computing class, so I could send it to my professor and score some extra credit.
To Mama, I must look like a deer in headlights because she says with fake brightness, “Well, now you’ve been informed. Have fun at Natasha’s, okay? Say hello to her family for me.”
“I will, thanks.” On autopilot, I walk out of the media room and head to the front door, all the anxiety I’ve been holding at bay with nonstop activity hitting me at once.
Alexei.
He wants to spend a whole day with me.