A slight quirk of his eyebrow was the only indication he gave that this news came as a surprise to him. “I was under the impression you and Owen would be here on Monday.”
“That was the plan, but…” God, this was so much harder than she’d expected, even after she’d rehearsed it a dozen times on the drive down. “I wanted to come alone.”
“May I ask why?”
“Honestly…because Daddy — Owen,” she corrected herself quickly, her cheeks heating at the slip up. “Owen wouldn’t like what I have to say.”
“Well, now you definitely have my attention.”
“I owe you and Connor and especially Hayleigh all a huge apology. Regardless of how I was feeling about Hayleigh and Connor’s relationship, I had no right to abuse my position in the kitchen the way I did.”
“No, you didn’t.” A muscle in his jaw jumped, and she felt an odd rush of relief at that small display of temper. “I entrusted a huge part of my business to you and Connor. Not only that, I entrusted the entire kitchen staff with the care of my Littles. Many of whom are already hurting and vulnerable, who have been abused and are still recovering. Hayleigh, included.”
Guilt coated her stomach, and for a moment, Julia thought she might be sick. “Hayleigh was abused?”
“That isn’t my story to tell. Suffice it to say, your behavior as not only a member of Connor’s kitchen but as a human being was downright appalling. Forgive me for being skeptical of your apology, Ms. Simmons. Especially given the circumstances under which it was secured.”
Another wave of embarrassment crashed over her. Of course he knew about the agreement she and Owen had.
Squaring her shoulders, she forged ahead. “You have every right to be skeptical. But I’m not here for Connor’s recommendation. I came here to — I came here to tell you and Connor both that I will be looking for a new line of work.”
Now both of Derek’s brows winged up toward his hairline in an almost comical display of surprise. “I’m going to take a wild guess that this is the part Owen would not approve of.”
“Yes, sir. I didn’t make him aware of my plans before I left this morning.” She hesitated, weighing her words. Deciding the full truth was the least she owed these people for everything she’d put them through, she continued on. “This felt like something I needed to do on my own. You don’t owe me forgiveness. Neither do Connor or Hayleigh or anyone else. But I needed for you to understand how serious I am and how deeply, deeply sorry I am for all the hurt I have caused.”
“Well.” Leaning back in his chair, Derek blew out a breath, for the first time in her memory looking to be at a loss for words. “You understand what you will be giving up if you take this road? You’ll be turning your back on years of schooling, of hard work.”
“I’ll be giving up my dream, sir.” Tears stung at her eyes, but she ruthlessly blinked them back. “All I’ve ever wanted, from the moment I first turned on an oven, was to be a chef. I’ve dedicated my life to learning and improving my skills. I have no idea what I will do as far as a career goes, but I do know that I don’t deserve to be in a kitchen.”
“That’s quite the sacrifice, Julia.”
“And it still isn’t enough to pay back the suffering I inflicted on everyone. I’m not sure there is anything I could do to even begin to make it up to you and Connor and Hayleigh.”
Derek shook his head, looking surprisingly disappointed. “Giving up your dreams isn’t going to take away the hurt. The way you make it up to them is by being a better person today then you were yesterday, and then just repeating that over and over for the rest of your life.”
“I’m going to try, sir. But I can’t in good conscience accept a recommendation letter in exchange for an apology. It isn’t right.” Regardless of what he or Owen or anyone else thought of her decision, she knew in her heart of hearts she was right. The people she’d hurt deserved her apology with zero strings attached, and that was what she was going to give them.
Sighing heavily, he pushed a hand through his hair. “You always were stubborn.”
“I know.” Despite the seriousness of the conversation, her lips twitched as she fought to hold back a smile. “I’m working on it.”
“It’s a trait that’s served you well in the kitchen, I’m sure. Which is why I’m not convinced that giving up the career you’ve worked so hard for is the best course.”
A spark of temper flickered in her chest, and it took considerable willpower not to glower at him. “I appreciate your concern, but it’s my choice to make.”
“Yes, it is. But as this is all rather sudden, I need some time to consider, and I’d like to consult with Connor.” He sent her a pointed look. “And Owen.”
“Owen isn’t a part of this.” Then why did your heart just about jump out of your chest at the thought of him finding out what you’ve done?
“Oh?” Curiosity colored his tone. “I was under a different impression entirely.”
“My…arrangement with him was only temporary. He doesn’t get a say in what I do with my life.”
“I see.” From his tone, she had a feeling he did see, far more than she was comfortable with. “Well, the breakfast service won’t be finished for another couple of hours. Why don’t you go sit in Erica’s office while I make some phone calls and I’ll have a tray of food brought up. I’m assuming you haven’t eaten yet this morning.”
“No, sir. But I’m really not hungry.”
“It wasn’t a suggestion, Julia.”