11
Julia
How the hell was she supposed to convince him she felt ‘true remorse’? What did that even mean?
Stretched out on the floor of the living room, she picked up a colored pencil and furiously colored in another scale on the snake she’d selected from her coloring book. Unlike her bright, happy owl, the snake was a swirl of dark colors, which perfectly reflected how she was feeling inside.
Dark. Angry. Bitter.
Because of course she was going through with this whole damn thing to get her recommendation letter from Connor. Without it, she could basically kiss her entire career goodbye, and spend the rest of her life slaving away in cheap chain restaurants. And she’d worked too fucking hard to get where she was to give it all up without a fight.
Maybe you don’t deserve it.
Pausing with her pencil pressed against the paper, she let the thought roll around in her mind. The gross, slimy truth of it coated her stomach.
Maybe she didn’t deserve anything better. She’d abused her position in Rawhide’s kitchen to all but terrorize the Littles, especially Hayleigh. And she had threatened to use a false allegation to ruin a good man’s life.
All because, what? She hadn’t gotten what she wanted? Because Connor had chosen someone else over her? Plenty of women were rejected on a daily basis. Millions of people around the world lived with unrequited love without threatening to destroy the person who rejected them.
So, what was different about her? Why had she reacted the way she did?
Rolling onto her back, she studied the ceiling and thought back to those last few days at the Ranch. Connor’s rejection, him firing her. Ignoring his dismissal and showing up to work anyway, only to be fired in front of the entire staff when she’d made a joke about Hayleigh.
No. Not a joke. A mean, bitchy comment about how Hayleigh needed to be kept on a leash. So, throw in a little more kink-shaming on top of everything else.
At the time, it had felt as though her entire world was coming to an end. Once again, she was losing someone she cared for, and on top of it, she was being forced from her home.
But none of that excused her behavior, so there was only one answer she could think of to give Owen.
She colored the snake, a wolf, and halfway through what she thought was a hedgehog but could have been a porcupine before he called her for dinner. Seated at the table in what she’d come to think of as her spot across from him, she deliberately kept her gaze on her plate as they ate.
“Did you think about what we talked about before dinner, babygirl?”
The lump in her throat would have kept her from responding even if she’d wanted to, so she settled for a shrug.
“Julia. Look at me, please.”
She should have known it wouldn’t be that easy to blow him off. Bracing herself for the disappointment she knew she would find in his eyes, she slowly lifted her head.
But there was no disappointment in the pale blue. All she saw was concern, without even a hint of the amusement the sparkling pools usually held. “What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”
“Don’t wanna.” Ugh. For someone who kept insisting she didn’t want to be a Little, she certainly was acting like one lately.
“I know you don’t, but if we are going to continue with your final punishment, we need to talk about it.”
“I changed my mind,” she blurted out. “I don’t want to do it tonight. Please, Daddy? I’m not ready.”
“Okay, babygirl.” Was it her imagination or did he look…relieved? “If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. Think about what we talked about, and we can revisit the issue in the morning.”
“Thanks.” Nearly giddy with relief at having successfully put off the issue, she forced a smile. “Can we watch a movie tonight?”
“Of course, babygirl. Whatever you want.”
What she wanted was to be forgiven. For him to hold her in his arms and cuddle her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That even if she had to give up on her dreams, she could find a new passion, and that he would be there for her every step of the way.
But since that was unlikely to happen, she’d settle for a movie. And maybe some popcorn with enough butter to drown her sorrows.
Owen