“Collided?” I repeat. Is he serious?
“Yeah, and I’m sorry it happened. My mind was just fucked for a few seconds. I would never touch you, Kenzi. Not like that. You know that, right?” He turns sideways to look at me and his eyes are troubled, searching mine like he’s lost and confused and needs me to set him back straight again.
I swallow hard over the lump growing in my throat. “Of course I know that, but I don’t want it to be a mistake. I liked it.”
His eyes close for a long moment before he opens them to meet mine again. “Kenzi, no. It was wrong on about a thousand levels. It didn’t mean anything.”
I slowly shake my head, refusing to let that be true. “No. I thought it meant a lot, actually.”
He stands up and hurls his penny into the woods, and that just deepens the blow of what he’s saying to me. Our little wish moments have always been special to us and he just threw one away like it meant nothing.
“We’re not talking about this, Kenzi. This subject is over, you got it? Just drop it.”
I stand and grab his arm again, forcing him to look at me, and he glares down, his dark eyes narrowing at me.
“No, Tor. I don’t got it. What if I don’t want to drop it? You going to spank me and take me home like a little baby? I’m a little old for that now, don’t ya think? Can’t we sit here and talk about our collision like adults?”
“Stop taunting me,” he says through clenched teeth. “We’re done with this. I want you to forget it happened.”
“I want to talk about it.”
His eyes flash at me, his mouth set in a tight line. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No, of course not. I’m not stupid.”
“I hope not. This isn’t funny, Kenzi. It’s serious. I’m not some fucking high school kid. You’re a teenager and I’m an adult. I own a respectable business in this town, I can’t have people spreading rumors about me.”
“Don’t you think I know all that? Why are you acting like this? We didn’t do anything wrong. Please stop being so mad at me and talk to me.”
He shakes his head vigorously. “No. I want you to forget it happened. That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“I can’t.” I confess with a shaky voice.
“Then try harder,” his voice is deep and spiked with venom. He’s never spoken to me like this, and I ache for the man that’s been nothing but sweet and comforting to me for the past seventeen years. I’ve never been the target of his anger and I’m not liking this side of him at all.
Tears start to roll down my cheeks and I wipe at them, annoyed that I can’t control my emotions. I don’t want him to perceive me as a little girl having a tantrum.
“Wow. Maybe Sydni and Lisa were right about what they said to you. You can’t communicate at all.”
He takes a few steps away, his fists clenched at his sides, then comes back to face me.
“Don’t even throw that shit in my face. This is completely fucking different. You better watch where you’re treading, Kenzi. You may not like where you end up.”
I cringe away from his fury. “I’m sorry. I just want you to talk to me.”
“Look, what happened was a mistake and I’m sorry it’s got your head all messed up, but we both need to just forget it. It was wrong and it’s making me sick thinking about it, let alone talking about it.”
His words are like a slap to my face and a knife straight through my heart. “I make you feel sick?” I ask in disbelief.
“No, Angel, not like that,” his voice softens as he realizes how harsh he’s acting. “It’s just wrong. You’re only seventeen for God’s sake.”
“So?” I sniffle.
He smiles in wonder at me. “So?” he repeats, letting out a little laugh.
I nod. “Yeah, so?”
Pulling me into his chest, he hugs me and kisses the top of my head, just as he did when I was a little girl. “That’s such a you answer. I don’t want to fight, Kenzi. Not with you, not ever. But you gotta let this go. I’m sorry I let this happen. I’m just fucked up sometimes.”
“You’re not fucked up,” I say defensively into his chest.
He slowly pulls away and looks down into my eyes, his full of turmoil. “I am. And now you’re seeing it firsthand, and I fucking hate it. I liked it when you looked at me like I was some kind of hero who made everything in the world all better for you.”
“But you do. You always have.”
Smiling weakly, he shakes his head and swipes his thumbs across my damp cheeks. “I can’t stand to see you cry. Please let this go, I’m begging you. Can you do that? For me?”