Dante
What the fuck was I thinking? Oh, right, I wasn’t. This is all my overly helpful daughter’s fault. Who raised that girl anyway?
I’m pacing the length of my kitchen—back and forth, back and forth—trying to work off my nervous energy. I check the clock on the microwave for the one hundredth time. It’s still 8:43 a.m. The damn thing must be broken. I take a large gulp of my second cup of coffee which was probably a mistake. It’s doing nothing for my nerves.
The last thing I want is to have Violet working for me. While having her in my space does hold a certain appeal, I can’t act on my feelings and that makes this entire thing a nightmare. It’s not like I could turn her down for the job while sitting there in front of everyone. What would my excuse have been? This job is certainly nothing that any college graduate couldn’t handle. She’s perfectly qualified and since my office is in my house, it’s not like I’d rather have a stranger coming in and out of here. No, on the outside it’s the perfect situation. I get someone that I know and trust to help out with office tasks and she gets a flexible part-time job she can work at around her school schedule.Perfect.
Once I started toseeViolet, I started noticing things. Collecting little pieces of information about her. I know it’s ridiculous but everything about her seems to fascinate me. I know that, contrary to her name, her favorite color is green. I know that when she’s out into the sun for even a few minutes, she gets the lightest smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. And I know that given the choice between drawing attention to herself and sitting in a corner she’d choose the corner every time. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll barely notice that she’s here. We’ll both just quietly get our work done and then she’ll walk out the door to live her life, leaving me here alone, just as it should be.
The doorbell finally rings and I set down my mug. Taking a deep breath, I admonish myself for acting like some teen getting to spend time alone in an empty house with his crush. I can only hope that I don’t do anything to give away my feelings. How embarrassing would it be if she actually knew I wanted to follow her around like a puppy?
I open the door to find the woman of both my daydreams and nighttime fantasies. She’s wearing shorts and a simple v-neck tee shirt but she might as well be wearing the latest designer dress for all I care, she looks stunning. The shy smile on her face does something to warm my insides that I don’t want to examine too closely.
It takes a moment before I realize I’m just standing here, blocking the doorway. I step back so she can enter, and I mean to say hello but it comes out as more of an unintelligible grunt. I head to the kitchen and start rummaging through the junk drawer, trying to find the spare key to the front door when a gentle throat clearing from behind me forces me to turn around.
“So, I know you were kind of ambushed yesterday,” she starts out. She looks almost as nervous as I feel. She’s standing in front of me, her arms crossed in front of her in a protective gesture and she’s bouncing back and forth from foot to foot. “I totally understand if you don’t want me to have the job. I know you couldn’t say no in front of Bianca, but I get it if you want someone with experience working for you. This whole thing is probably a bad idea.”
Even though, just moments before, I was lamenting having to have Violet work for me, a thread of panic runs through me at the thought that she might walk out the door. I’ve barely seen her in months. If she leaves now, when will I see her again? I shouldn’t care. I know I shouldn’t. But that doesn’t seem to matter because I do care.
“Not at all Violet.” I give her a smile hoping to ease her nerves. I guess I can understand how she would be nervous. It’s a new job and she thinks I probably don’t even want her here. I need to push away my feelings for her, concentrate on the work, and making her feel welcome. “I’m glad that Bianca said something. Of course I’d rather have you than a stranger. I’m just sorry because the work isn’t anything special, I know you’re going to be bored.”
“If you’re sure...” she says, tilting her head to the side and taking me in.
I wonder what she sees when she looks at me.Instead of letting those thoughts run away from me, I hand her the key, making sure that our fingers don’t touch. “I’m sure. Here’s the key to the house, since your hours are flexible I may not be here when you want to work so go ahead and just let yourself in.” She tucks the key away into the pocket of her shorts, then follows me up the stairs to the bedroom I’ve converted into a home office.
The moment we step inside, I’m reminded, again, of how much of a bad idea this is. All thoughts of being able to ignore her while I work are thrown out the proverbial window. This room is way too small for the two of us to work together. Well, too small for us to work together at the distance apart that I need to be able to function. As she scoots by me to enter the room, I catch the floral scent of her shampoo—I think it might be jasmine—and barely resist the urge to lean forward and take in another lungful of the tempting aroma.
I take a step back and head over to my desk, too late realizing that I haven’t thought this through. I was so worried about having Violet in my space that I failed to account for the fact that there’s nowhere for us to work together in this room. I guess one of us could sit on my small loveseat that’s pushed into the corner but that doesn’t seem very practical. For now, I pull out my chair, indicating that she should sit.
She hesitates for just a moment before asking, “But isn’t this your desk?” She scans the room seeing that there really isn’t anywhere else practical for her to sit.
“Yeah,” I say while rubbing the back of my neck, trying to ease some of the tension in my body. “I wasn’t expecting to hire someone so quickly so I don’t really have a setup for you yet. Why don’t I show you the ropes today and then tomorrow we can go out and get you everything you’ll need for your own workspace.”
She looks up at me with those big blue eyes that have been floating around in my mind. “I don’t want you to go through any trouble. I could sit over there on the couch and bring my laptop from home—”
I’m already shaking my head before she can finish her sentence. “Nuh uh, no way. You’re not going to make me into a terrible boss before we even get started. As your employer it’s my job to get you anything you may need to do the job. As you can see”—I gesture around to the stacks of papers precariously perched on nearly every available surface—“I need all the help I can get getting organized.”
She lets out a laugh, one that I’ve missed hearing these past few months and finally agrees to let me get her a full workstation set up. We spend about twenty minutes going over how I’d like emails sorted and paperwork filed. She picks up my processes immediately and even offers some suggestions for improvements.
“Honestly, whatever you can do to get this stuff under control, I’m all for. As you can see, office work isn’t really my forte.”
“I can’t imagine it’s your favorite thing to do. I worked in my dad’s office a couple summers in high school so at least I know the basics of a smooth working system. Do you miss doing the actual construction work?”
“I never would have thought baking in the sun and throwing out my back carrying supplies would be something that I’d miss but I actually do. That’s one of the reason’s I wanted to hire someone to help with all of this office stuff. I’d like to get back out on the job sites occasionally. Right now, I’m almost never out there and when I am, I feel like there’s something important I should be doing here.”
She reaches up and pushes strands of long black hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ear. “Well, now you have me. Hopefully, after a while you’ll trust me enough to get back out there with your guys. I’ll hold down the fort, I promise.”
Suddenly, I’m acutely aware that I’m leaning forward, hand braced on the back of the chair she’s sitting in, my face close to hers. Too close. Especially when she’s telling me that I have her now. Because I don’t have her and I never will.
I straighten up and take a step back, noticing a small frown on her lips before she schools her face back to its normal serene expression. She must think I’m acting crazy today, and she’s not wrong. I really need to get out of here before I make a fool out of myself.
“Actually, I’m going to go down to the site onKamberand check in with my guys. We had a shipment that was delayed last week, and I want to make sure they delivered everything this morning and that we’re on track. I think you have a handle on things here. If you want to work on getting things organized, that would be great. Just keep track of your hours and lock up when you leave.”
I’m already heading toward the door when her soft voice reaches my ears. “Don’t worry about a thing, if anything important comes up, I’ll call.”
“Thanks, Violet,” I say over my shoulder as I escape the room. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.
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