“It didn’t have anything to do with you at the time.” He swigged back another sip of his beer before he shook his head. “I know we’ve had this conversation before, but back then, I knew how you felt about her and how she felt about you. Now all I know is that you two disappeared for a couple of hours after not seeing each other for six years, and suddenly you’re going on a trip around the world together. Tell me you wouldn’t be worried if you were in my position.”
“I know what it looks like and I also know that you’re right. I would’ve been worried, too, but there really isn’t anything to worry about. We disappeared to find someplace quiet to catch up, and then she opened up to me about all the shit she’s been going through. I got the idea to invite her with me, but I didn’t think she’d actually go for it. I mean, I hoped she would, but I was as surprised as anyone when she said yes.”
“Sure, but here’s the real question. Do you have feelings for her again?”
I hesitated. Seeing her again had reawakened all sorts of stuff, but since I didn’t want him to spend all the time we were away worrying, I didn’t think it was a great idea to tell him that right about now. While I wasn’t proud of it, I decided to dodge the question instead.
“I promise you that I have zero expectations that our trip will be anything other than platonic. If it makes you feel any better, I promised her the same thing. We’re just two friends taking a trip together.”
“A trip you’re paying for,” he said. “If you really wanted a platonic friend to go with you, you could’ve asked me or anyone else to come with you.”
“We talked about it, remember? On the day of my dad’s funeral when we went out for drinks, we talked about it. You said you wouldn’t be able to, and so did Tanner and Jeremiah. I could’ve asked someone else, but the thought didn’t even occur to me until that night. I didn’t plan on asking her, Shawn. It just happened. Do you really have a problem with it?”
Those dark eyes of his stayed on mine for another beat. Then he blew out a breath and relaxed a little, the fight disappearing from his posture and his features as the tension eased out of his shoulders. “No, I don’t have a problem with it. I know you’re a good guy and I hope you understand that I’m just being overly protective of Serenity. She’s been through a lot these last few years and the last thing she needs is to have her heart broken right now.”
“I can assure you that I have absolutely no intention of breaking her heart,” I said. “All I want to do is help her. With her album and to just breathe again for once. She started crying while we were talking, and I know how strong she is. How positive she is. I also know how close to the edge she must’ve been to have been talking the way she was.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his lips pursing before he nodded. “She definitely has been that. It’s been killing me for a long time, but you know how she is. Asking for help is taboo in her world.”
“Exactly, which is why I couldn’t just offer her the money for nothing. We’ll stay in touch with you all the time and we’ll be safe. I swear, we won’t go adventuring into sketchy places or anything like that.”
One of his eyebrows arched, and he scoffed, the corners of his lips inching up. “That’s not the safety I’m worried about. If you bring her home pregnant, you’re fucking marrying her.”
“In a heartbeat,” I agreed, laughing and trying not to even think about a life in which I married Serenity while she was carrying my baby.
If I even started getting that idea in my head, I’d never get it out again. Before I even knew what I was doing, I’d be working on making it a reality. Which was a bad, bad idea.
Shawn took one look at my face and groaned. “God, I hope I didn’t just give you any ideas.”
“Absolutely not,” I lied. “Like I said, you have nothing to worry about. We’re going as friends who both need to blow off some steam, and that’s it.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, draining the rest of his beer and getting up. “I’d better get going then. I’m sure you still have a bunch of stuff to get done before you leave. Have a great trip, bro. Take care of her, and of yourself.”
“Thanks, I will,” I promised, walking him back to the door. “Next time, you don’t have to down a beer when you want to lecture me, okay? You can drink it leisurely, lecture me, and then talk to me about other stuff.”
He laughed. “Let’s hope I don’t need to lecture you again.”
As he walked through the door, he turned back to look at me. “It’s not just her heart I’m worried about, Bart. While I have to be on her side, I’m worried about yours, too. She’s not the only one who’s had a hell of a time recently. Just try not to break each other, okay?”
“You got it,” I promised, but as I locked up behind him and went to grab a shower, I started thinking about what he’d said.
It wouldn’t take much for me to fall for Serenity all over again. In fact, with how much I’d been thinking about her last week, it was possible it was already happening. But she and her brother were both right.
Neither of us should be rushing into anything right now. I just really hoped that I hadn’t made a mistake by inviting her. Perhaps it had been too spontaneous. Spontaneity wasn’t usually my thing, and I’d just remembered why.
Any decision not thoroughly considered had the potential to come back and bite me in the ass. Or, in this case, it could cost me my heart. Neither of those things were my idea of fun. If I’d thought about it before inviting her, I might’ve realized that there were too many risks involved, but on the other hand, that also would’ve meant that she wouldn’t have been coming with me.
I was still happy that she was joining me, so I supposed it was for the best that I hadn’t had time to rethink the decision. As I stood under the hot spray, wondering how the hell we were going to get through the trip unscathed, I made a solemn vow to myself that no matter what happened, I would not do anything with her that I wasn’t a hundred percent sure of.
Neither my grief nor my drive to feel alive in the midst of it would take a front seat with her. So if that was what everyone was so worried about, they didn’t have to be. Other than that, I couldn’t make myself any promises, so I didn’t.
CHAPTER10
SERENITY
“Ijust don’t know, Leah,” I said into the phone, sighing as I kept a close eye on the traffic passing by. “Bart said he’d pick me up today, but I don’t even know what kind of car he drives. I hadn’t seen him for years before the party, and we haven’t spent any time together since, but I’m about to travel to another country with him.”
My best friend made a dreamy noise at the other end of the line. “The whole thing sounds incredible to me. Do you even realize how lucky you are to have an ex who still cares so much about you? Why is he an ex again?”