“But if you’d married one of them,” she insisted, “and then I’d found out I was pregnant, would you have acknowledged this baby?”
He frowned. “That’s a ridiculous hypothetical.”
“Not really.”
“Why does it matter so much to you?” He asked, turning the tables on her, eyes intently boring into her soul, seeing pieces she wanted to shield from him.
“It’s interesting, that’s all.” What Cora meant was that it helped her keep valuable, essential perspective. Knowing how close he’d been to a loveless, strategic marriage, all for the sake of an heir, showed her how little he cared about the institution of marriage or the notion of love. Both revelations needed to be always held close to her heart and mind, salient reminders of how different they were.
His lips tugged downwards at the corner. “I have never been overly interested in marriage. Knowing it was not my job to marry and provide heirs to the kingdom gave me the freedom to dismiss the idea out of hand,” he said, elaborating slowly. “Adan was the one who grew up with that expectation.”
“Yet he never married?”
“He was engaged, once. It didn’t work out. He was devastated, and after that, my mother told him to wait. That there was no rush.” Samir lifted a shoulder. “He would have married in the next few years, I’m sure.”
“He wasn’t seeing anyone?”
“No.”
“And you have been living with no expectation of ever having to get married, yet here you are. Trying to propose to a woman you told to leave your kingdom and never come back only a month ago.”
He reached across the table, putting his hand on hers. “You know why I said that.”
She bit down on her lip. It had still hurt.
“That night, I told you—I didn’t want to use you…”
Tears filmed her eyes. She blinked them away furiously. “You didn’t.”
“I knew it was wrong, but I had been to hell and back, and there you were, offering yourself to me—a slice of nirvana, Cora, in the midst of it all.”
She loved him. It was that simple. For Cora, it hadn’t been about ‘being used’, it had been about being with the man she loved in his time of need, because to be away from him would have been anathema to her.
She drew in a breath, the truth shimmering before her, something she could no longer ignore. A reality so bright she wondered how Samir didn’t see it? Fear sliced through her. She couldn’t let him know how much she loved him. She could barely let herself admit it. Whatever she’d gone through with Alf was nothing compared to this tightrope she must now walk…for the rest of her life. And shemustwalk it. Their baby made anything else impossible. She had to grab hold of this future with both hands, for their child—there was no alternative.
“I’ll marry you,” she said after a moment. “But it’s very important to me that you keep your distance as much as possible.” Her heart felt too tight, painful. “That morning, in Al Medina, you told me to leave, and never come back,” she said with an appearance of calm she didn’t feel. “You and I were both prepared to walk away from this before, and we shouldn’t let the fact there’s a baby delude us into thinking there’s anything more here.” She stood slowly, sadly, her eyes not quite meeting his. “If it weren’t for the baby, you’d be engaged within weeks, and pregnant weeks after that, no doubt. This is all just…happenstance.”
He seemed to consider that for a long moment and when he spoke, his voice was level, if somewhat hoarse. “Everything in life is happenstance, Cora. Does that mean we cannot make the most of it?”
She flinched at his easy acceptance of these circumstances. For Samir, there was no danger in this marriage, because he didn’t love her. There was no risk of loving and not being loved back, of being hurt every day by every look, every shared laugh that was ultimately meaningless to one and so meaningful to the other.
She dug her fingernails into her palm and offered a tight smile. “Thank you for breakfast.”
Samir watchedher disappear through a doorway in her suite, towards one of the sumptuous bedrooms, her spine held straight, shoulders squared, dark, glossy hair, falling down her back like a waterfall, and his gut twisted with frustration. Where was the relief? The joy? She’d agreed to marry him—it was just what he wanted and needed. He should have been letting off celebratory fireworks.
But she’d said it as though she were signing her own death warrant.
The misery on her features, the desperation in her eyes, these were emotions that would haunt him for the rest of his life if he made her go through with this.
He dropped his head forward, pushing a hand through his hair.
Do what’s right and all will be well.
He scraped back his chair, stalking to the window and staring out at the view—one of his favourites. He loved this place. His home. His country. His people. His family. He hadn’t grown up believing he would ever rule, but it was his duty now, and he intended to do Adan, and his father, proud. He would walk in their steps, yet forge his own path.
But forcing Cora to marry him…for the sake of their baby.
Was it right?