“I gotta go,” I say into the phone. “I’ll call you back later.”
A second later, the cabin door opens and Beth steps inside, not saying a word as she silently wipes away tears and gathers her things up as though she’s leaving.
“What’s wrong?” I say, sliding out of bed toward her.
“You might want to put some clothes on,” she says, wiping away more tears. “I’m sure human resources will be here any second to make sure I leave the premises.”
My brows narrow inward and my heart thumps hard against my rib cage. “Why would they do that?”
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Turns out the lodge has cameras all over camp. They don’t want a psychologist who’s swimming nude after the kids go to sleep. If one of their parents saw, or God forbid the kids got a peek, it looks bad on the camp.” Her head lowers. “The worst part is, I get it. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I forgot about the cameras. Security put them up late last year after we had a few break-ins. Turned out to be bears, but they never took them down.
“Fuck,” I say, panic striking for all the wrong reasons. “They won’t give you a second chance? Did you talk to Mari? She’s—”
“I talked to everyone. They were waiting for me by my cabin this morning with human resources. Apparently, they’re doing me a favor by not recording this on some permanent record. I don’t know.” She stuffs the rest of her clothes in the rolling suitcase that she’s slung up onto the dresser then zips it closed. “I should’ve known better.”
“You’re human,” I say, pulling on my still damp shorts. “Don’t leave like this. Let me talk to them. I’ve known Mari for years. I think I could convince her to—”
“No,” she says, her voice dropping an octave. “I messed up. I don’t want to sit here all summer knowing I’m here over some favor. It’s over.” She shrugs and looks back toward me. “I’m going to have to look for something else back in Massachusetts. I’m sure there’s something in Boston or something.” She holds out her hand. “I’m sorry about everything. I hope you don’t get into trouble because of me.”
“Are you going to shake my hand and leave, like last night didn’t happen?”
She nods. “It was a fling. A one-night thing. A mistake.”
My chest tightens. “A mistake?”
She stares back at me with a trembling chin, and a distant look that has me desperate to grip her in my arms and hold her until the pain goes away. I know how much she wanted this job. I know how hard it’s been for her to find work. I know how badly she wanted to succeed.
“I like you, Alex,” she sighs, “but really, where does this go from here? You’re in Colorado. I’m on the east coast. Should we drag this out into some big, emotional, thing that’s inevitably going to fall apart in a couple months when we both realize we can’t leave our family and friends, or should we end it now on a good note?”
I stare back at her slack jawed. “I’m not sure I can just let you leave. I know you felt what I was feeling last night.”
“How do you know what I’m feeling? I just told you what I’m feeling.”
“Look, I’m not good at any of this. I’m just telling you that I can’t let go of this so easily. I thought I had months to get to know you. Now you’re going to disappear forever and—”
“And that’s what’s best for both of us,” she says, sliding her suitcase to the door. “You’ll thank me someday.” She’s hurt, upset, and I’m not sure she’s thinking clearly. At least that’s what I tell myself as she opens the door and heads out toward the parking lot without even a kiss goodbye.
I stand for a second in the silence of the small space, the air I breathe echoing in the quiet. I’ve spent a lifetime alone, a lifetime looking for love, a lifetime wondering what it would feel like to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’d found my person. And last night, I felt that… and I can’t let her go.
I run from the cabin and jog behind Beth, stopping as she’s tossing her bags into the truck of her car. “Stop. Just wait for one second.” I lean my arm up onto the edge of her car and try to decide what I can even say. What are the magic words that will let her know I’m seriously considering throwing my old life away without scaring her off?
She bites her bottom lip and stares back at me with the same scared look she had when I first met her. My mind is fuzzy, my head spinning with worst-case scenarios, and then suddenly my heart takes over and my brain shuts down. “I can’t just watch you walk away.”
A deep breath cycles through her lungs as she looks toward me. “I’m sorry, Alex. I have to go.” She climbs into her car, and starts the engine, backing out of the lot, taking my heart with her.
Chapter Eight
Beth
Late September
I sit on the edge of my seat and stare toward Susan who’s one hundred percent sure I’ve lost my mind. I know this because she’s said it at least three hundred times since we’ve left home.
“It’s been two months. He’s moved on, trust me. Besides that, it was one night.One Night.You realize that’s the most minuscule amount of time, right? Think about it. If you live to be ninety, you have over thirty-two thousand of them. You can’t let that one tiny bit of time dictate your entire future.”
There’s logic in what she says, but for whatever reason, my heart can’t hear it. “You’re right. I know you’re right, but I have to do this. I can’t get him out of my mind.”