“So, did Owen tell you about the double couple’s retreat?” Kate asks me, her voice unnaturally loud. As if to make sure others hear her.
I glance up and catch Gracie's frozen feet in front of her door, looking right at us, her chocolate donut halfway to her mouth, one bite already taken out of it.
Before I can linger and wonder what Gracie’s thinking about this news, I look up at my girlfriend. “Briefly. Not a whole lot, though.”
Kate drops into her chair, but before she can say anything, Marcy interjects. “Gracie, come on, we should pick up your makeup for your date tonight.”
Kate’s eyebrows shoot up, and she turns. “You have a date tonight?”
Annoyance flits through me at the reminder. I’d been doing so damn good to forget that. I don’t want to think about her going out with some other man. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want to think about it.
“She does,” Marcy pipes up again, bouncing on her heels. “Isn’t that exciting? She’s finally getting back into the world instead of sitting around eating donuts and binging Netflix shows.”
Gracie scowls at her best friend. The twist of her lips is adorable, but I keep my mouth shut as she speaks. “That is not all I do. I do school stuff too, you know, and meetings. I go to three meetings a week.”
Marcy waves her hand dismissively. “You still need a human companion, and I have to go back to school at the beginning of August. That’s barely over a month, Gracie. I need to know that you have somebody to go to.” She hugs Gracie’s arm.
I still don’t say anything. Instead, I take a bite from my donut but don’t really taste it. Gracie has me and Owen, but I know what Marcy’s saying. For just a friendship to implement itself, we have to keep certain things at bay. This means Gracie just can’t come to us with everything. She needs somebody to hang out with, to be with. She deserves that too.
I can’t help myself, though. “Aren’t you supposed to be focusing on your sobriety, Gracie?”
Her eyes snap to me, and a light blush flushes across her cheeks as she raises her chin. “I am, and I can do it at the same time. I’m nine months sober. I’m stronger than I was in the beginning. I can pull myself out of situations a lot easier than I used to be able to.”
“There also isn’t going to be any alcohol at dinner tonight,” Marcy supplies. “Me and Landon are going with her and the date.”
I recall the guy who had walked her home just the night before. As glad as I was that she had been safe, I was unnerved by the stranger having done so. He was good-looking; I couldn’t deny that. But he wasn’t for Gracie. Why? I’m not so sure. I think a part of me just doesn’t want her to date anyone, but the other part knows that it isn’t fair to ask of her. I’m with Kate. Asking Gracie not to date anyone because I say so is just fucking ridiculous. I can’t ask her to sit around and wait for something that may never happen again.
My eyes trail down to her left hand, imagining the engagement ring on her ring finger. She’s the only one I ever wanted to marry, and, unfortunately for Kate, Gracie is still the one I want to marry. But I can’t. I’m not stupid to allow myself to take her back just because she’s gotten sober. She’s got a lot of making up to do just to be friends, let alone anything else further down the road.
Stop Devon, just fucking stop. You’ve got a good girl. One who isn’t going to up and leave you randomly, turn you down, or anything else. Focus on her. Focus on Kate.
I focus on my girlfriend, feeling lucky she hasn’t caught me looking at Gracie. The last time she did, it caused an argument and her crying. The one thing I can’t stand is seeing Kate’s heart broken because I can’t love her the way she wants me to.
“That’s really exciting, Gracie! I’m so happy for you. I hope it goes well,” Kate jabbers on, clapping her hands excitedly, and looking straight at Marcy. “The couple’s retreat is going to be a lot of fun, don’t you think?”
Gracie snaps her gaze to Marcy, eyes wide. “What?”
Marcy stares forward at me and Kate, refusing to look at Gracie. But it’s Kate who speaks, continuing, and at this point, I realize I was wrong; she had seen me staring at Gracie and was not poking again. “Marcy and Landon are going on the couple’s retreat with us.”
“You didn’t tell me about that, Marcy,” Gracie says, sounding hurt.
I grit my teeth. I know Kate just said that to get Gracie riled up. She’s a good woman but has a jealous streak almost as bad as Donna’s. That’s a big flaw, but at least it makes her human instead of seeming like some perfect robot made to give a man everything he so desires. Because I swear, that is what I thought when I first met her. She’d just seemed too perfect. I know better now, which helps make the relationship a little easier.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Marcy?” Gracie demands, her words strained, obviously trying not to get upset over this. “You didn’t have to hide it from me.”
Marcy scowls at Kate and then turns to Gracie, shaking her head. “Because it’s not really a big deal, that’s all. It’s just some stupid couple’s retreat.”
Gracie seethes and then shakes her head. “Whatever,” she huffs and turns on her heels, retreating to her room with Marcy on her heels, the door slamming shut behind the two.
“Really, Kate?” I snap, throw what’s left of my donut on the table, and chug what’s left of my coffee.
Kate shrugs and takes a seat across from me, picking out a donut she wants for herself. She doesn’t say anything, though, and that’s the end of the conversation.
Chapter14
Gracie
Ismooth out my dress for the hundredth time and stare in the full-length mirror again, for the millionth time. I see every curve that ripples down my body. I notice the scars that line up and down my forearm, track marks that will fade over time but never completely. I cower from the image before me, a sordid reminder of what had once been. I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like how skinny I am either. When my bones had protruded, pulling against my skin, it was too easy to tell why. I’m not that sickly looking these days, but I’m still ungodly thin. I want more weight, to be healthier. My immune system is shot, and I’ve been told that only gaining weight in a healthy manner will help improve it.