I need to go.
And it will be without her.
I nod slowly, the acceptance coming in slowly, like a terrible fucking hangover.
“Goodbye, Saoirse.”
“Cillian…”
I don’t wait to hear the rest. I have a feeling it won’t matter anyway. Or if it does, it won’t change anything.
No matter what she says, I’ll have to leave. And she’ll have to watch me go.
Better to just rip the bandage off and let it hurt.
I turn, numb from head to toe, and start to walk down the hall. I glance behind me and see that she’s still standing there. Eyes bright as beacons. Hair red as fire.
I watch her until the moment I turn the corner.
And as soon as I’m out of sight, I run.
Back down the hall.
Back right-left-left-right-down the stairs.
Out the front doors. Bursting back out into the sunlight.
My heart is so fucking heavy that it’s a miracle I can even move my feet, but that clock in my head is still screaming TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK and I know that the time has come for me to leave this place and never look back, never think of it again, never think of her again, because if I do it will break me.
And I refuse to ever let that happen.
I refuse to be broken.