“In what universe does this not matter?” Ronan asked.
“Last night she received a recommendation from the investigator assigned to our case by the AG’s office.”
Ronan scowled. “I thought you said you didn’t know anything more about the case now than you had before you started seeing her.”
“I didn’t. Not until last night,” Nick said.
Declan looked at him. “I’m guessing they’re not going to drop the case?”
“The investigator recommended the AG open a formal investigation,” Nick said. “She didn’t tell me anything about the evidence they’d gathered, but she forced my hand, asked me outright if the business was legal.”
“Fuck me,” Ronan said. “Tell me you didn’t tell her the truth.”
“Did you lie to Julia when she asked about the details of the company?” Nick asked.
“Julia didn’t work for the fucking AG’s office,” Ronan growled.
“It was still a risk,” Nick said. “You told her because you couldn’t lie to her. I did the same, but I took her phone and told her I’d deny it if I was ever asked about it later.”
“I’m sure she loved that,” Declan said.
“She didn’t love any of it, but I had to tell her the truth about something. I kept it basic, told her what the media said was true, said that I’d deny it publicly, nothing else.” He paused, remembering the pain on her face when she’d looked away from him, when she'd told him to leave. “I don’t think she can live with this. I think it’s over.”
Ronan’s features softened but his posture remained rigid. “I’m sorry. That sucks, but it saves us having to figure out what to do next, because there’s no way we could have you in the business — or even the house — if you were dating someone at the AG’s office. It’s not a punishment, it’s just the way it is.”
“I know.” Nick had known. He just hadn’t cared. He hadn’t cared about anything but her.
Ronan sighed. “I have to get back to the hospital. Julia and the baby were sleeping when I left. I want to be there when she wakes up.”
“Me too,” Dec said. “I’m beat.”
Ronan rested a hand on Nick’s shoulder on his way to the door. “Get some sleep. You look like shit."
18
Alexa made her way through the city, her eyes hidden behind sunglasses that dulled the bright sunlight washing over the streets of Back Bay. She’d cried for two solid hours after Nick left. Her eyes had been dry and swollen, but sleep had still eluded her, and she’d spent the rest of the night alternately tossing in the hotel bed and pacing the hotel room, replaying everything that had happened between her and Nick in the previous two months, replaying everything Pat Heffernan had told her and everything she and Nick had said to each other before she’d kicked him out.
The sun had barely risen above the city when she left the hotel. She had no destination in mind. She just needed to move, to escape the confines of the room that had felt like it was closing in on her.
She made her way through the commercial district in Back Bay, past hotels and restaurants and parking garages. As she got farther from the water, the scenery shifted to smaller restaurants and apartments, bars and dry cleaners.
She circled the green space that was the Back Bay Fens before deciding to get off the street. She entered the park and followed the footpath, passing early morning joggers and a few parents and nannies out with strollers.
The city’s skyscrapers towered in the distance over the park’s trees, but here it was quiet, almost serene, and she inhaled deeply, feeling like she could breathe for the first time in twelve hours.
She passed one of the park’s fountains, turned back on for summer. Its rhythmic splash was soothing and she closed her eyes for a few seconds as she walked, letting the early morning sun wash over her face, the warm breeze of summer caressing her shoulders, bare under her tank top.
She watched two toddlers splash in Frog Pond and continued along the path skirting the edges of Scarboro Pond until she came to a stretch of quiet. She took a seat on one of the benches. It was covered in shade from one of the enormous low-hanging trees and she untied the sweatshirt from around her waist and slipped it on, pulling her knees up to keep warm.
A family of ducks swam toward her, their webbed feet visible just below the surface, a line of babies following their mother toward Alexa. They quacked at her when they reached the shoreline and she held up her empty hands.
“I don’t have anything. I’m sorry.”
She looked across the pond, her mind turning back to Nick. What was he doing right now? Wondering why he’d blown up his life for her? Why he’d bothered when they’d always been heading for this exact place?
They were questions she should have been asking herself. Maybe she was still in shock. Or maybe the fact that she loved him meant that it didn’t matter, that she wouldn’t change anything even if she could go back in time and do it all again.
He hadn’t flinched when she’d told him about not being able to have children. There had been pain in his eyes, but it had been for her pain, not for any loss of his own. He’d said exactly what she’d expected him to say: that he didn’t care, that she was all that mattered.