I fall asleep in their arms, and I feel like I’m home.
* * *
I’m dreaming again.
This time, it’s even more clear, more obvious. I can feel that I’m not awake, but I can’t make myself wake up, either. I’m not in control of my body still, but I can see around myself better. Details are clearer than before, including the fact that wow, I am really not in my usual outfit. I really am dressed like a warrior.
And I am definitely not with the men.
I look all around me, and I can see plenty of fae, more fae than I’ve ever seen in my life. I can’t help but wonder if this is something in the past maybe, because why else,howelse, could there be so many fae here? How else could there be so many of us? I don’t understand it. Fae are scattered all over the world, we’re basically an endangered species.
But there is a whole army that I’m leading. And none of my men are with me.
I don’t like it. It makes me feel like my skin isn’t on properly. And I don’t know what to do about that.
There’s something more, too. Something aboutme.I can feel it. I can’t describe it, but I can sense that there’s something different about me. Something that honestly feels otherworldly.
I don’t want this,I think. I don’t want to be leading an army, I don’t want any otherworldly or special powers, and I definitely don’t want to be without any of the men!
The anger and upset that I feel jolts me awake.
I sit up, breathing hard, and I have to work to stifle myself so that I don’t wake up any of the men.
Fuck. What if this is of the future? We’re about to go on a super dangerous mission, and I’ve been having repeated visions of being alone, leading a fucking army, that must be because of what happens with Roanac. Why else would everything go so nuts?
I can’t lose the men now that I’ve just gotten them. I can’t let Roanac kill them. But we can’tnotgo after Roanac. Which means that I have to go it alone, and I have to do what I can. I’m a burglar, a thief, I’m used to getting in and out of places unnoticed. Surely I can sneak into Roanac’s place just as one person. I can pass under the radar, and I can get in, and I can get close enough all on my own to stab him. He wants to use me for my blood, so he’ll let me get close, if I can just conceal a weapon on myself somehow.
The men will wake up soon, so I creep carefully out of bed. I need to sneak out before they can wake up and stop me.
Too late. North’s hand reaches out and grabs my wrist.
I freeze, my breath catching in my chest.
When I turn and look back over my shoulder, North is giving me a knowing look. His grip on my wrist isn’t tight or painful, but it’s firm.
I sit back down on the bed and North’s grip relaxes. “You can’t go out alone,” North murmurs.
“You sure you don’t have any mind-reading powers that I don’t know about?” I reply, whispering so that I don’t wake the others.
“Don’t need them,” North replies. “I just know you.”
It’s been so long since anyone knew me and understood me, that I can’t help but be grateful and happy about it, even if I’m frustrated that my plans are now foiled. I’m just trying to protect them!
“What is it?” North asks.
Cain and Raven stretch and stir, either because they can just sense that we’re awake, or because we got loud enough that we disturbed them. Cain blinks up at me sleepily, while Raven goes wide awake immediately and looks around like he’s suspicious that we might be under attack.
I swallow and look at all three of them in turn. They stare back at me expectantly.
“I had a dream again,” I whisper. “I was leading an army of some kind, again. It was clearer this time. And I was alone, without you all. I think that it’s a glimpse of the future and that you’ll all be dead because that’s the only reason you three wouldn’t be with me. I know that you would never let me put myself in such danger alone, not if you could be there to help me. So.”
Cain and Raven both reach out for me, pulling me in so that all three men are curling around me again. I’m surrounded by warmth and safety, and I want to revel in it, but I can’t, because how long will this last? I can’t lose them.
“I won’t let that happen. The only thing I can think of is that you die when we try to go after Roanac. So I need to go after him myself. This is the kind of thing I’m good at. Sneaking around, being undercover. I can do it.”
“If you think we’re letting you go alone, then you’re insane,” Cain whispers. “If we die protecting you, then that’s how we want to go. Consider that if you go alone, you might die. We can’t handle that.”
“But I can’t handle you all dying!” I hiss back.