"It's okay," Nicky said. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
"No. It's fine. I'm glad you did. I'm glad I was there."
Nicky's brow furrowed, but she didn't want to ask. Once she did, she'd have to remember she was talking to Ken Walker. She wasn't sure if she could handle that.
"Can I ask you something?" she said instead.
"Sure."
"What are you doing here? I mean, why'd you become a profiler? Why'd you join the FBI?" It was an excuse to know him more, but also to veer the conversation away from herself.
Her question must have caught him off-guard. He took a moment to choose his answer. Nicky felt a twinge of guilt for prying, but she had to know.
"I joined the FBI because I want to catch the monsters of the world," he said. "I want to stop them before they kill more people."
“A noble cause,” Nicky said.
"It isn't just that, though. I think... I think I want people to remember the victims of these cases,” Ken explained. “I think I want to honor them for who they were, and who they became. I want them to matter. I want people to know that they were real, legitimate people with stories and backgrounds..."
"But why? What motivates you, personally?"
Ken hesitated a moment, but then nodded. “I told you before, you’re not the only one with personal interests in cases like this. When I was a teenager, there was this… girl. I’m gonna have to get sappy on you for a moment, but she was the first ‘crush’ I ever had. Yeah, I know it sounds kiddish now, but back then it was everything.”
Nicky nodded. “I get it. When you’re a teenager, you feel everything. I remember those days.” Her heart sank as she thought about that last night she’d spent with Rosie and all their friends, the night before Rosie went missing.
“Yeah, well. I ended up convincing this girl to give me a shot, and we started dating. Long story short, it worked out, and we were together until senior year.”
A lump grew in Nicky’s throat. She had a bad feeling that she knew where this was going.
“Then prom night happened,” Ken said, “and Tiana—that was her name—was supposed to meet me there. She was running late and didn’t want me to miss out on the limo with our friends.”
It was hard to picture Ken Walker being a normal teenager once, but Nicky could see it all. It brought her back to her own days in high school, when she’d left everyone she ever knew behind. There were a lot of conflicting emotions. The message from Matt slipped back into her mind, but she swiped it away, listening to Ken’s story.
“Anyway, hours passed at prom,” Ken said, “and Tiana—she never showed up. I’ll skip all the in-between details and just tell you that no one ever saw her alive again. The police said it seemed likely she was abducted on her way over to prom, as she was walking there.” His face grew serious, and he couldn’t meet Nicky’s eyes. “They found her body two weeks later. The guy who did it was caught within a couple of months. He was just some drifter, saw Tiana in her prom dress and thought she’d be an easy target because she was alone.” He laughed sullenly. “Guess he was right.”
Nicky's mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “That’s horrible.” But now she understood. She understood why this case had such a hold on Ken.
Their stories were different, but in the end, their motivations were the same.
They wanted to save the girls who needed to be saved.
He was quiet for a long time. “Nothing I can ever do will bring her back. So I just try to save as many people as I can while I'm still here."
Nicky understood that. At the same time, in her case, Rosie's body had never been found. And so Nicky still held onto that hope that someday, she'd find her.
Still, Nicky couldn't believe Ken had opened up. She could hardly believe that this was the same cold, distant Agent Walker she'd known at the office. He had a compassionate side.
She also knew the way things could get intense during the night. Emotions were high. Maybe it was biological. She remembered her fling with Fernando--it had started off as lust. Nicky had needs, and hookup apps always felt too risky for her--too high of a risk of predators. She and Fernando had worked too closely together on a case. Then Fernando caught feelings for Nicky and she couldn't give him what he wanted. In fact, he became more annoying to her than anything else.
She looked up at Ken to see him still staring at her. She shuffled back, as if to remind him of their position. Ken must have taken the hint, because he awkwardly backed off.
They were both reminded that they barely knew each other.
They had each opened up a window to each other, and Nicky knew they'd regret it in the morning.
"Well... goodnight," Nicky said.
Ken stood up, wiped his palms on his pants. "Get some sleep, Lyons. You need it."