“Well, I can make you a promise, little man.”
“You can?” he asks, his big eyes pinning me with an innocent stare that I feel clear to the bone. I can’t hurt this little guy anymore. I’ve been the biggest idiot on the face of the earth, and that ends today. From here on out, Lennon comes first in everything. I want him to know that I value him. I want to give him that because I sure as hell never got it from my old man.
“From here on out, I’m going to work hard so that I always have time for you, and you always know that you’re special to me.”
“Does this mean we’re friends now?” Lennon asks as I stand up. I help him get a paper towel out of the dispenser, and he dries his hands.
“Yeah, we’re friends, buddy. Best friends.”
“Awesome.” Lennon smiles and beams at me, and I feel like I just hit the lottery.
Maybe I can get the hang of this daddy thing after all. I’m grinning as we walk to the table. That grin all but dies on my face when I see Katie. She’s on her cell phone, and it’d take an idiot not to see that she’s upset. It’s clearly not a good conversation. I quietly sit down as Lennon goes back to his. Katie reaches out and rubs his head, but her eyes are over-bright. I’m pretty sure I know who the asshole is that she’s talking to.
“Jeff, it’s not like that,” she whispers.
Yep, I was right. It’s my fucking brother, and he doesn’t seem happy. I guess Katie told him I was shopping with her and Lennon. I don’t let Katie see my grin. That would just upset her, but as far as Jeff is concerned, I’m out of fucks to give.
“Jeff, don’t be like this. I’ve missed you.”
She winces, so whatever my dickhead brother said, he’s taking shit out on her. I hold them both responsible, but it’s just like my brother to try and make Katie feel like shit when he’s been a fuckhead all along too.
“I’m just going to go out to the truck for a minute,” Katie whispers, her face pale. I give her a tight nod, but I don’t say shit.
“Jeff is mad at Mommy,” Lennon says, watching his mother walk away.
“I’m sure he’s not. Sometimes adults just have to talk about things, and it isn’t always fun.”
“Mommy’s sad a lot, though. Sometimes, I wake up, and I can hear her crying.”
I rub the back of my neck, not sure how to respond to that. To be honest, the fact that Katie is crying over my brother pisses me off. I don’t want to say I’m feeling jealousy, but maybe I am–at least a little. I push my thoughts away and concentrate on my son. That has to be the only thing of importance right now.
“Then we’re just going to have to make her smile.”
“Yeah! I want her to smile. Umm… but what are we goin’ to do?”
I think it over for a second, remembering parts of my high school years that I’ve tried my best over the last few years to forget. “How about if we take her out for ice cream? I happen to know your mommy loves chunky monkey ice cream.”
“I like strawberry,” Lennon says. “It makes me happy. What do you like?”
“I like strawberry, too,” I tell him, and I’m not even lying. It is my favorite.
“You do?” he asks, and I nod. “We’re just alike, Jake!”
He sounds so damn happy at the idea of being like me. My throat feels as if it is completely closed off as Lennon unknowingly delivers a true gut checking moment.
“Yeah,” I murmur, my heart feeling like it might explode.
CHAPTER 13
Katie
I keep the phone close to my ear, but I don’t talk until I’m outside standing by Jake’s truck. When I saw Jeff’s number on my Caller ID, I was so excited. I thought we would finally be able to work things out and he’d come back. Since all he’s done since I answered the phone is berate me for being out with Lennon and Jake, I’m thinking that’s not a possibility.
“I’m back,” I exhale as I lean on Jake’s truck.
“You shouldn’t have left thefamilydinner.”
The anger and sarcasm in Jeff’s voice is not something I’m used to getting from him. It’s jarring. Jeff has always been my safe place. He’s been my anchor. Now, he just feels like one more wave coming at me and threatening to drown me. I try to push past my own anger and pain. Jeff is hurt. I know part of that is my fault. I thought we worked through all of the stumbling blocks we had to have a real relationship. I even gave him freedom, and he came back. I thought it was me he wanted. But now?