She saw her friends hating Jake and hating her because she was a sell-out. She saw all her favorite haunts closed to her forever because she wouldn’t be welcome there.
Worst of all, she saw beautiful, sleek women who matched Jake far better than she did, stealing him away from her and making her feel even more worthless than she believed she already was.
Casey had managed to enjoy her life so far by having the lowest expectations possible. With very little money and no prospects, it made stoic philosophy very easy to practice. It worked too. She found herself satisfied with her life most of the time.
It was only occasionally that she had moments of panic when she wondered if life would always be this way, a constant struggle, a vague sense of needing more, but knowing if she extended herself to get it, she would definitely get hurt.
Even that day she’d spent with Gerri was becoming a painful memory. For a short time, she’d believed that she really was worthy and that good things would keep coming to her. Being that high up had quickly given her a terrifying sense of vertigo, forcing her to lower her expectations all over again.
Hesitantly, Casey pulled out her phone. She stared at it for a few minutes, words spinning around the inside of her skull. She couldn’t forget Jake’s beautiful deep blue eyes or the light of his smile. The feel of his hands on her when they danced had been comforting and ecstasy all at once. She didn’t want to let it go.
I have to. I have no choice. This will hurt far less in the long run.
As she unlocked the phone and held her thumb over the keyboard, the memories of their nights together at his place came flooding back. Eating junk food curled up in his bed, laughing at some stupid show until they wrestled and played with each other.
All of that led up to the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.
She closed her eyes, the memories seeming to escape her mind and running loose all over her body. His every touch thrilled her, making her skin come alive and her blood sing. She’d never felt anything like the pleasure he gave her. Casey moaned softly, the sensations patterning themselves through her until she was paralyzed.
Fated mates.
With a sigh, she opened her phone again and started furiously typing a message to Jake. She wanted to sound rational and adult about this, to use words and tone that would leave no argument about how she felt.
I’m very sorry, Jake. I know we had a nice time tonight, but I can’t see you anymore.
She groaned in frustration, deleting the message. Her forehead was aching as she forced her tired brain to come up with something better.
I understand that you have strong feelings for me, Jake. I have feelings for you, too, but it just isn’t going to work. I wish you all the best.
Casey stared at the phone, then groaned even louder, deleting the message. This went on for some time, with Casey getting more upset by the second. The longer she tried, the worse the messages sounded.
Hey, Jake. Thanks for a wonderful time. I know I said I’d go out with you again, but now I think it's best if we go our separate ways. We’re just too different. I hope you understand.
Casey shook her phone, letting out a sharp cry. She couldn’t understand why this was so difficult.
Maybe, because you don’t want to break up with him?
Casey’s frustrated growl almost turned into a sob. She didn’t want to break up with him. She wanted to run into his arms right now and let him kiss all her fears away. She wanted to feel his strong hands on her body and his hot lips against her own.
The strength of her longing surprised her. It was the most frightening thing she had ever experienced. After a lifetime of low expectations, she suddenly found herself building a castle in the sky. She knew exactly how far this fantasy would fall when it finally broke apart and how much it would hurt when it did.
But I want to stop and smell the roses. I want to contemplate the minute differences in every blade of grass. I get it, I really get it. After years of work on my degree, and now I finally understand.
She also wanted to attend monster truck rallies, jump around in her old clothes, and stuff her face with hot dogs … with Jake.
Casey tried to swallow a sob. The world was so full of horrible, dangerous things. Even if Jake didn’t end up wandering off with a woman of his own class, what if he got killed? There were a million ways to die just walking from your apartment down to the street.
What if I finally settle into the perfect life and give my trust to the universe, and that’s when I get the triple whammy?
Her heart was aching like a bruise just thinking about it. Even worse, something could happen to her and leave Jake a broken man.
I don’t know how this fated mates thing actually works, but I know damn well he’d never get over it if something happened to me. Maybe he can find an even better mate if we break up now.
Those words made perfect sense to her. There was always better in the world. It was just never associated with her.
The sound of footsteps at the door shocked her out of her panic-stricken silence. She jumped up, practically tackling her friends as they walked in the door.
“Halle, Jinny,” she moaned, throwing her arms around them. “Thank God you’re back! I was…”