We have to take it slow. He’s probably hurt, too, even though he says he’s over it now.
Jake stepped back and took her hand, leading her to the bar. They both ordered a glass of wine, and Casey sat on a nearby chair, relieved to be letting go of him for a minute.
He really clouds my thoughts. I have to be careful.
Jake may have conquered his self-doubt, but Casey had not yet laid her fears to rest. She could feel them crowding in her mind, trying to crack through the bright shield of her happiness. She pushed them away and tried to focus on the next night when Jake would take her out on a date, and they could start again.
He took her for one more swing around the dance floor before they left, and Casey felt her doubts melt away at the touch of his hands. There was no fear when she was so close to him, looking into his eyes.
Even though she could feel the need in him, he was gentle with her the whole time. He did not demand anything of her or expect more than she could give. She let herself relax, trusting in him and maybe even in herself too.
They talked a little in his car on the way back to her place, but mostly they held hands and kissed, staring into each other’s eyes like teenagers. Casey was proud of herself, feeling like she’d forgiven herself and him for past mistakes.
The future didn’t loom over her while she focused on the intense pleasure of being with Jake, and the endlessnowshe’d been trying so hard to grasp felt like it was finally hers.
They pulled up to her apartment, and Jake pulled her into his arms, kissing her with passion. She moaned and writhed in his arms, her body aching for more. She encouraged him, pulling him down on top of her in the back seat, but he sat up and let go of her.
“I want to take it slow,” he said. “I’m not doing this just for sex.”
“I know,” she said, disappointed but also relieved. She wanted to go slow too.
“It was really stupid to walk away from you,” he said, his eyes so deep and intense that she knew the lion was running in his blood. “You’re my fated mate.”
“What?” she asked, wanting to hear it from him.
“My match. It means I love you, Casey. And I always will.”
Casey nodded, getting out of the car slowly. She’d heard those words before, but suddenly they hit with savage impact. Combined with his confession of love, it had an echo of permanence she wasn’t ready to accept.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
CASEY
The first few steps away from the car were a blur. The magic of the evening, the utter bliss of being back in Jake’s arms, all of it was completely eclipsed by those final words.
He loves me?
Of course, she had guessed by now that he was very serious about her. He’d said more than once that he was. Hearing the word, though, was another thing entirely.
I heard that term, fated mates, but I didn’t really understand what it meant.
Casey headed up the stairs, trying to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. It seemed insane that just a few minutes ago, she’d been so excited and happy, and now her world was crashing down around her even worse than before.
She struggled with her emotions, but her thoughts were so chaotic that she could barely even move. When she finally reached the door of her apartment, she prayed that someone would be home to distract her, maybe even help her think through the situation.
Her heart sank when she jammed her key in the lock and jiggled the doorknob open. The lights were off, and it was obvious that no one was home. A crushing disappointment fell on her chest, making it hard to breathe. She lived with two other girls, and all of them had friends coming and going at all hours of the night and day. It seemed utterly impossible that the apartment was empty.
Casey stood in the shadowy apartment for a few minutes, listening to her own breathing. She had never felt so alone, so confused. It wasn’t lost on her that she could be feeling very connected right now if she would only let herself take a chance on Jake.
Slowly, she walked across the room and flicked on a lamp. Turning on an overhead light seemed scary. It was as if too much illumination would reveal all her fears and show them for what they really were. That was the problem…Casey did not want to face them.
She realized she’d been standing by the lamp for some time and decided to make a cup of tea. At least she’d be doing something instead of riding the terrifying roller coaster of her thoughts around and around inside her own head.
She zoned out while making the tea and didn’t come back to herself until the kettle started to scream in protest. Casey made the tea, not even noticing what she put in it, then curled up in her favorite armchair with her hands wrapped around the cup.
He … loves me?
Suddenly, all her visions of the future changed. Instead of seeing long nights cuddling with Jake and enjoying his company, she was seeing stiff family dinners and long lunches at the country club, where she felt incredibly out of place.