I frown. I don’t want her to starve herself. I have first-hand knowledge of how it is to live with a woman who starves herself. It’s the furthest thing from pleasant. Every meal becomes a discussion. And, if you dare to say anything about her eating habits, an argument is certain to follow.
“Your ass is fine.”
She frowns. She thinks I’m placating her, but I can’t tell her what I actually think of her ass. How it’s the perfect size for my hands while I pound into her from behind. Damnit. I need to stop imagining this woman I can never have naked. I’m trying to protect both of us.
“As I was saying, we need to talk.”
“If you give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me speech’, I will stab you in your eye with this fork and I won’t regret it one bit.” She lifts up her fork and makes little stabbing motions to demonstrate.
I play along and cover my eyes. It’s a good excuse to buy myself some time to readjust what I’m going to say because I was going to give her the ‘it’s me, not you’ speech. But I know better now. Duly noted.
“I need to apologize.”
Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. “Apologize? You’re going to apologize for sticking your tongue down my throat?”
“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in my home or think your stay there is contingent on us having some type of fling.”
Her eyes flare for a second, but she blinks and douses the fire. “Rowan, let me say this in as simple words as I possibly can, what are you thinking?”
I open my mouth to answer, but she’s not done talking.
“I am more than aware of how my staying with you is not contingent on anything. If my stay were contingent on us having a fling, you wouldn’t have kissed me before saying the kiss was a mistake.”
Damn. She thinks I didn’t enjoy the kiss. Truth is. It was the best kiss of my life. I can’t tell her what I think, though. I won’t lead her on when there can be nothing between us.
“I—”
Ash interrupts again and I’m glad since I have no idea what I was going to say.
“It’s okay. We can forget about the kiss. We’ll pretend it never happened.”
As if I could ever forget how her lips felt on mine. But I smile and nod as if the idea of pretending the kiss never happened doesn’t cause me to want to drag her into my arms and give her a kiss she will never be able to forget.
Our stare-down is interrupted by Moon arriving at our table. She leans close to whisper, “Are you guys done with ‘the talk’ now? I didn’t want to ruin your meal.”
“We’re done,” Ash says, and I fear she means with more than our discussion.
Shit. I made things worse, didn’t I? This is why I can’t have a woman. I can’t make her happy.